UsuallyWrite2 t1_jef60nc wrote on March 31, 2023 at 3:49 PM

Something that stuck out for me (44F) was they she’s seeing doctors and a therapist and things aren’t improving AND she isn’t doing the hard work of actively pursuing work. Has she been screened for ADHD? I didn’t get diagnosed until my 40’s and for years was being treated for anxiety and depression—nothing was working well because my anxiety and depression were secondary to the ADHD. I had so much self hate and had to use so much energy to get even simple things done.

Whether it’s ADHD or mental health though, these are reasons, not excuses.

You need to very clearly communicate to her how you are feeling. Not what she needs to do but how YOU feel and why. She may not realize how much this impacting your mental health. She needs to go get a job now. Today. McDonalds, the corner convenience store—whatever. She can keep looking for the ideal position and be bringing in some money.

ThrowRA2654 OP t1_jef72yr wrote on March 31, 2023 at 3:56 PM

Thanks for the response.

The ADHD thing is definitely on the table, and definitely rings a bell. I've been communicating pretty clearly for a while now, the problem is mainly that she is actively applying for jobs, but avoiding customer service forward/food service jobs all together, because a history of working in those industries is a big contributor to her now prevalent anxiety. (Spending years of 40 hours a week with strangers yelling at you because they're latte isn't hot enough will do that to you).