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[deleted] t1_jeggrcj wrote

Reply to comment by yowen2000 in [26M] [24F] she was only dating me for sex and I feel kinda disgusted by throwRA283108

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inigos_left_hand t1_jeglwk9 wrote

Dude, if you are going to spiral after a 2 month casual hookup relationship ends then you need to not have those in the future. This girl did nothing wrong. She told you she wasn’t interested in anything serious and then ended things when she thought (rightly so) that you were taking things too seriously. Next time don’t sleep together until you have established that you are both interested in something serious.

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SevsMumma21217 t1_jegm6uc wrote

Why is that though? Why is your entire sense of self-worth connected to a woman you briefly dated who was completely honest with you about what she wanted from day one?

It seems like she enjoyed your company, but you wanted to get serious, and she didn't. So, she did the right thing and left you. That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you or that you aren't worth having a relationship with. It only means that she was not the right woman to start a relationship with.

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[deleted] t1_jegmets wrote

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SevsMumma21217 t1_jegn0so wrote

This isn't about you. You've done nothing wrong. There is nothing wrong with you.

But she's not ready for serious and that's valid, too.

Do yourself a favor and when a woman says to you, "I want to date but I'm not ready to get serious.", tell her "No thanks." and walk away.

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[deleted] t1_jegnbg5 wrote

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reluctantdonkey t1_jeh4c24 wrote

> I don’t want to date knowing she’s just riding my dick for fun like I’m some kind of human sex toy

It's odd the combination of completely overblown sexual ego and soul-withering low personal self worth. Fascinating study.

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reluctantdonkey t1_jeh45vo wrote

No. She wouldn't have been.

You could have been Harry Fucking Styles with a PhD and she'd still want to be out there living an unattached life.

THIS. ISN'T. ABOUT. YOU.

Ps. I really have a ton of respect, honestly, for how she handled this whole thing, because holy heck if you telescoped your atttachement issues to her as much as you have here, she probably had a LOT of rightful concerns about how to enforce her boundaries.

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reluctantdonkey t1_jeh39hr wrote

If you regret this, then you should not date. Really.

You have to enjoy dating for the ride, both figuratively and literally in this case.

99% of all the first dates you go on will end in eventual "failure." It's part of the deal.

It's not about there being anything wrong with you or evil about them or whatever... it's just the way it is.

And, you're right-- you aren't going to see her again, and that's also just part of dating.

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yowen2000 t1_jegm1cp wrote

So, before I dated the girl I described above, I dated a girl that was similar in the sense that she didn't know what she wanted, she was honest about it like your girl.

I allowed myself, probably much like you, to become invested in the relationship at a level I shouldn't have. I too was very distraught when the relationship ended due to us wanting different things (casual vs relationship).

What I learned there, and what you'll come to learn in the future, is to really listen when someone says what they want, if you match their level of commitment you'll be far less hurt, but it can still hurt, a romantic connection ending is never without feeling, but it will hurt far less if you stay realistic about what your relationship is and is not.

So keep that in mind. I think with time you'll come to appreciate this relationship you had with this girl, I was eventually able to with the girl I described here. We really did have a great time while it lasted and I learned very valuable lessons for future relationships.

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reluctantdonkey t1_jeh4un8 wrote

Yes, it's important to keep in mind that, even if this woman had said "I am 100% looking for a serious relationship!" she STILL could have broken up with him two months later (yes, even after "riding his dick" and all that noise) and there would STILL be nothing wrong with it.

Because that's the dating game. It just is.

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[deleted] t1_jegmc2x wrote

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yowen2000 t1_jegombs wrote

You don't necessarily need to stay detached, it's more so "managing expectations".

But if this is true:

> Not when sex is involved. I literally cannot seperate my emotions from it

You've learned something valuable! Again, you'll likely eventually be thankful for this relationship, heartbreak sucks, but we eventually grow from it, don't get bitter from it. You are a living, feeling human being and that's okay!

So, next relationship, take your time to really date someone, to get to know them, so you know you two are on the same page. To start, you need to hear that they are at least open to a serious relationship. Or else, why even have a first date?

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