Ok. He’s mid 20’s and still doesn’t know how to look after himself. He doesn’t care. That’s going to be hard for you to change him so you need to decide if you can live with it.

Too much work. This isn't just a "can you take a shower before we see each other" thing.

And, you haven't even seen nor smelled all that's lurking under his clothing.

Truth? You can’t bring this up without hurting his feelings. You don’t just think he’s a bit dirty. You think that every part of his body is smelly and disgusting. You can say that smoky smell and taste is a turn off for you and that is fair. I don’t think that would hurt his feelings. You can say that good hygiene is a big deal to you.

You stop seeing him. Do you want to be his mother? Honestly this dude is gross and has a lot of growing up to do.

>Both these things are pretty easy fixes so I wasn’t too concerned.

This only applies if you're meeting a 10 year old. At 24 you should be very concerned.

Look, OP, I'm gonna be honest, I just skimmed from this point forward because this post comes up every couple of weeks or so.

THERE IS NO AMOUNT OF LOVE THAT EXCUSES A STANKASS.

How should you put it? Bluntly and directly. "Compassionate" sailed away around the time he was 13 or so.

"Hey, dude, you're a swell guy but your hygiene game is way off. While you have many qualities I find attractive, your lack of hygiene gives me pause. It's bad enough that I would not consider any physical affection for fear of being grossed out.

I hope you can take care of it."

If Stinkor's response is to get butthurt instead of jumping into the nearest shower, he is not a keeper.

“Dude I think you’re super cool but for my own health and safety, I’m kind of particular and want to be with someone with good hygiene. What that means to me is clean clothes, bathed, clean hair, teeth, ears, etc. I don’t really know how else to say it more kindly but you need to work on that if we are going to pull this off.”

Your standards aren’t nuts by any stretch. Maybe he was never taught, maybe he doesn’t have money for a dentist…who knows but it’s a deal breaker for you and would be for most people id hope.

Gag. Girl you do not want to attempt to “fix” this man. You’re repulsed, because your body is telling you not to get close for your own health. You can get UTIs from his dirty weiner and fingernails. Unless he has severe, SEVERE depression, he is making the choice to be this dirty. He won’t get better unless maybe you become a mother figure to him and baby him, wash his hair and clothes, teach him how to brush his teeth, make his dental appointments to reverse years of damage… Is that something you want? That’s fine if you do, I guess, but there are thousands of guys who smell good and will also buy you food.

There is no gentle way to go through his laundry list of missed personal care.

He has all sorts of funk going on- so you have multiple issues here.

If you want this, you are going to have to tell him the truth. Perhaps you approach it a bit more indirectly and express it as preferences like...

"Not sure if you notice, but I always make sure to shower and smell good for you...I love it when my guy smells fresh and clean too...."

But I will be honest. I think either he is incredibly lazy and shortsighted or he was completely failed at being raised to care for himself. I am not sure simple relationships will motivate this dude to make huge, meaningful changes.

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