My (24M) girlfriend (21F) constantly thinks about me cheating on her

Submitted by Jorjaislove t3_127mg23 in relationship_advice

I (23M) I'm starting to get anxious about the fact that my gf (21F) is constantly dreaming and overthinking about me cheating on her. At first I thought it was something normal maybe in past relationships she had that issue that could've developed an insecurity but at this point I'm not sure if I should be getting worried.

I also overthink a lot and I'm very open about it with my partner even if I have never thought about the idea of my gf cheating on me. It's been more than 6 times she has told me, gotten mad at me because she thought or dreamt about the idea of me being with another woman. I've never done anything to give her that idea and I'm always trying to make her feel safe about that. But I've asked in the past if this thing was an issue if there was something bothering her or if I'm doing anything that could be originating these ideas to what she replied that even if I'm not doing anything she doesn't know why those ideas pop into her head. Even today she told me she woke up shaking because she had a dream that "hurt a lot" about me kissing another woman in front of her. I'm trying to me supportive and always reassure that non of that is happening and that I lover her but I'm starting to overthink myself why this idea is constantly popping into her head I mean if cheating ain't on your mind you wouldn't think about it right?

What else could I say to try and get her rid of these ideas and reassure that this aint happening? should I be worried about the fact that this is something that happens frequently?

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Rudy_Trollbert t1_jeerqp0 wrote

Dude. Just leave. It won't get better.

She is either manipulating you, has an issue that she is unwilling to fix herself or she is cheating on you.

None of those are worth sticking around for.

You'll find a woman who will be emotionally mature and not do any of those things and it'll be worth it, I promise.

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cleveryetstupid t1_jefle5z wrote

Is she in therapy? Nightmares are something I struggle with, as well as anxious attachment. When I'm feeling insecure, I'm likely to have nightmares about my partner breaking up with me, being unfaithful, etc. I think the best you can do is support her in getting to the bottom of these dreams, which she should do with a therapist. I'm curious if she shows other signs of being insecure or anxiously attached? Some examples might be looking through your phone, getting upset when you spend time with friends, etc.

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WildlyUninteresting t1_jeeq67u wrote

You should ask her why she feels so insecure? Why doesn’t she feel trust with you?

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Jorjaislove OP t1_jeeqmoo wrote

I've done that and she says that she doesn't know, I've been insistent as well but I always get the same answer "I just don't know okay?"

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WildlyUninteresting t1_jeexube wrote

Can you feel comfortable with someone that doesn't trust you and doesn't know themselves?

It's one issue for her to feel insecure but without her own personal drive to figure herself out and overcome those fears. They just become growing issues to you.

This has nowhere good to go, for you or her.

What's the point in her dating someone she doesn't trust? (Because that's ultimately the case.)

IDK in this case, is just avoidance without resolution.

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Rstar2247 t1_jeeugzs wrote

A common thing cheaters do is accuse their partner of their behavior in order to justify their own in their heads.

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