My BF(37M) got a tattoo without telling me and I (30F) am upset

Submitted by Constant-Impact6671 t3_127h6sx in relationship_advice

My BF of 5 years came to bed at 1am telling he was getting tatooed in the morning. I got upset but didnt say anything as it was too late for a discussion. In the morning he went to his appointment and came back with his tattoos and I cant get over the fact that he didnt mention this project.

He got tattooed before, always shared his ideas with me before doing it and I ve always loved them, and before and after he got them I always did some kind of "goodbye/welcome" small ceremony. That might sound dumb but I realize now that it was my way of embracing the changes he made on his body.

I'm feeling incredibly sad that I couldnt do that, that I had zero time to adapt to those changes and that he never thought of sharing this project with me before doing it.

Just to be clear I was not expecting him to ask for my permission, but as someone who share his intimacy It seemed obvious to me thats something you'd want to mention to or share with your partner.

I know I will love him, his new tattoo and his body the same way but I feel very hurt and left out, he just doesnt understand my point telling me Im selfish and should be happy for him.

Also I'm 7month pregnant and maybe over reacting so I need some other point of views about this.

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CrystalQueen3000 t1_jee5da7 wrote

I honestly don’t get your point either, unless the money for it came out of joint finances then you’re being a little extra

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Constant-Impact6671 OP t1_jee8z8j wrote

He used his own money. For me tattoo is not like getting a haircut but I can hear your point that Im probably over reacting.

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ImAmandaLeeroy t1_jeei21i wrote

You would have liked to be included, but you weren't and you let him know it bothered you. This seems like a normal reaction, since in the past he's been excited to share ideas and plans leading up to it and this time it was just a statement of this is happening.

It doesn't seem like you're upset about the tattoo, just the fact you weren't included in the way you were accustomed to. And frankly I would be hurt by that too.

If he doesn't get how that would upset you, there may be more to talk about as to how you communicate within your relationship.

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