Am I (28M) wrong for leaving my (27F) girlfriends house during an argument.

Submitted by ImpactedDruid t3_127lhxx in relationship_advice

So reddit, I just left my girlfriends house after an argument. I went over after work to spend a bit of time with her today. the first thing i did was rub her back, speak, and sit on the couch opposite her. she was laying facing away from me on her phone. i've been working on this short story and finally finished it yesterday minus any fine tuning and told her i wanted her to read it yesterday while i was at work. i asked her if she could read it and she asked me if i could read it to her and i said no, the thing is long and i dont want to sit and read it aloud. she decided not to read it and continued with her phone.

she says shes going to go lie down and i say okay in a soft tone. she asks why im looking like that and i explain that i wanted her to read my story. at this point shes telling me to give her my laptop so she can read it but she has a sort of attitude when she says it so im like why do you have an attitude. we start going back and forth about who had an attitude and she says "you always want to be mad at me". this is where i start to get upset and told her that shes not going to gaslight me into thinking im the problem because i was upset she didnt want to read my story and that she knew i wanted her to read it.

not to mention i didnt even say anything else about the thing when she said no, i sat there listening to a comedy show on my phone and playing the game. we continue to go back and forth about whether what she did was gaslighting and after a bit of arguing we end up where she said that i had an attitude since i walked in the door. i am getting increasingly upset for the duration of the arguement because i dont know how she could say i had an attitude when i hadnt even said anything. i told her thats not the first time shes said that i always have an attitude with her when im literally doing nothing which sparked her claiming that im always mad or i want to be mad. i sat silently for a bit before packing my laptop and leaving to go home.

In the car she calls to continue arguing acting as if i was in the wrong for choosing to leave. i told her that im not doing that shit with her and there were a few F bombs in the mix as well. i told her its not my fault that she doesnt have the emotional maturity to accept and acknowlege when she fucked up . she starts saying how "when you get passionate or upset you can talk to me like this" or "its funny how you get this upset because i didnt want to read your book" i argue back a little bit more then she starts saying how "you just wanted to leave anyway". when she started saying that i just hung up my phone and turned it off. At this point we've already gone over how yes i was upset that she didnt want to read the story and she didnt have to. and that she was entitled to her feelings.

im not saying im 100 pct right, but i wont put up with being gaslit like that. when it has nothing to do with that and more about blatantly ignoring the fact that i am allowed to have hurt feelings. the same way she can be mad, but you cant say things like "you just want to be mad at me" or "you wanted to leave anyway" and think its fine or nothings going to happen.

did i overreact or was me choosing to leave justified.

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Rstar2247 t1_jeem6kt wrote

So she has zero fucks to give when it comes to supporting you and taking a few minutes to read a story that's important to you, but when it's time to fight she's actively pursuing it? That's some messed up priorities.

Removing yourself from an argument and letting the dust settle is perfectly valid. Despite the desire of some to settle things here and there, all it usually accomplishes is both parties saying things they'll regret. Witness your girlfriend's behavior.

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_jeemo4n wrote

<checks notes> you two are nearly 30 years old and acting like little kids. Good lord. Break up, get some therapy, grow up and then date someone who acts like an adult and not a spoiled, petulant child. She sounds insufferable.

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TheTeethOfTheHydra t1_jeem789 wrote

It seems clear that each of you didn’t do your best at handling the situation or reading the signs the other was giving. Either of you could’ve done better. Leaving in the middle of an argument works for some people but to other people, it appears like you are bailing out rather than resolving conflict.

You need to figure out how she works and she needs to figure out how you work so you can both find middle ground and do a better job of reading each other’s signals earlier and clearer so you don’t get to these conflicts.

Since she’s not available, I’ll ask you: was this time critical were you just were excited because you are just finished your writing? Once it was obvious, she wasn’t ready to do it, did you realize that and push anyway? Did you need to? Does it really mean she doesn’t care about you if she deferred on it? I know it’s hard to have something you care about go under recognized by someone you care about, but this is part of the same emotional maturity you insulted her for lacking.

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ImpactedDruid OP t1_jeeno7c wrote

I told her I don't have a problem with her not reading it, I dropped the situation and went back to what I was doing. And she is available as she's a redditor active on this subreddit as well. The problem isn't her not reading the story, it's the response to me having hurt feelings about it. I didn't push her to read it it. I was happy to share it with her. I didn't say she doesn't care about me.

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