Husband(30m) doesn't want me to go to see my parents(25f)

Submitted by GOKU2442 t3_127xcdd in relationship_advice

Long story short we have been married for 3years together for 7years. I was living with his family for 3years it was toxic as hell..and we finally moved out to our own place recently and his family weren't happy for us and don't talk to us anymore.

My work gave me some time off so I can have a long weekend i am happy I don't need to take annual leave so I can use that with my husband to go somewhere nice. But I was thinking this would be a great time to see my parents who live on the other side of the country as I have not been to my parents since Xmas. I felt like I really needed the break too, since moving work has been very stressful and me and my husband have been bickering alot over silly things.

I told my sisters I was considering visiting our parents and they encouraged me to visit if I had the chance. I told my husband and he didn't say anything at the time and even discussed train ticket timings etc and I then booked the tickets.

My husband later on says I'm selfish for leaving at that period because he will be alone and he doesn't have a relationship with his family therefore I shouldn't leave him right now but I can go another time. He was upset so I told him I would cancel the tickets. He got really mad when I suggested this and said not to cancel them because my family now know I will be going so itl make him look bad. I told him it's fine and I will say I have to work but he told me to forget about it.

My train is in a few days and he blows up at me now calling me extremely selfish and how he doesn't want to be alone and does not want to eat alone I could go anytime and why did I pick now? I then tried to cancel the tickets and he snatched my phone off me and said don't you dare cancel them and for me to go and not to dare contact him when I go.

He also said he regrets marrying me. That really hurt me the most because he is not the type of person to say those things. He does say nasty stuff when he's angry but I never expected him to say that. He's now avoiding me. I don't know what to do I'm so upset and feel like our marriage is on the line. What do I do?

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JFC_ucantbeserious t1_jegf30i wrote

I’m confused. He’s a grown adult right? Is there some reason he can’t be alone for a few days? Is he disabled in some way?

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HeatherReadsReddit t1_jegclkk wrote

You go see your family and have a great time.

And while you’re there, make an appointment with a divorce attorney, so that you can find out what you need to do to get away from the controlling, childish, emotionally manipulative man that you married. He sounds just as toxic as his family.

You also make an appointment with a good therapist, so that you have support, and can figure out why you would even consider canceling your trip when your husband had his temper tantrum. He won’t get better without actual help from a professional.

Divorce him and have a great life without him. You’re too young to be dealing with such behavior for the rest of your life.

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facinationstreet t1_jegl100 wrote

This isn't a negotiation. You don't need his permission to visit your parents and if he feels like he's not 'adult' enough to be left on his own for a weekend, he's got bigger problems to work on. No matter when you go, if he doesn't go HE WILL BE ALONE. He does not have a valid argument.

Him telling you he regrets marrying you? Looks like you might want to extend your time at your parent's place so you can take time to consider whether you want to stay with someone this purposefully hurtful and nasty.

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guitargoddess3 t1_jegb2zw wrote

You need to tell him that if he’s not fine with you going and he should let you cancel, otherwise he’s it’s like he just wants to keep punishing you without accepting a solution. Isn’t there a way he could come with you? If not, you should remind him that you put up with his family for 3 years- he can take a bit of inconvenience for a few days.

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Waste_Vegetable8974 t1_jegwh0u wrote

There's a huge insecurity going on here and you dont know what it is. I'm guessing he's convinced himself you're going to cheat and possible also discovered something about himself he really doesn't like. It sounds like going could potentially cost you your marriage here so do consider that carefully. Maybe have a chat and get him to seek counselling in return for you delaying the trip. This place will almost certainly tell you your husband can screw himself and just go of course.

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