>I realize in reading it that I am hoping for someone to call me on my BS and tell me directly what I could do differently or what I am not seeing.

That’s understandable. You've invested a lot of yourself into a 6 year relationship and you're hoping someone will see something you aren't so that you can be given something to fix or a way to fix it because your only options at this point are to live with it or accept defeat.

This is a her problem, though, and not something you can fix for her.

It's really unfair for you to be made the scapegoat of her lack of boundaries and inability to communicate, to be made to feel as if you are doing something wrong because she has an unrealistic expectation of you being able to simply sense what she wants/needs and act accordingly with absolutely zero input from her. It's too much to ask for her to put the responsibility of her boundaries on to you. Not just respecting a well-communicated boundary, but formulating and enforcing them for her. It's not fair to you that your attempts at connecting with her are practically dismissed with an implication that meeting you at that halfway point is on par with humouring a toddler helping to "wash the dishes" (you know you'll end up with more of a mess than what you began with and probably a broken dish, but its cute that they wanted to try).

If she can't or refuses to communicate and also refuses to accept the suggestion of help in learning how to do so in your relationship, while simultaneously lowkey laying all the blame and responsibility of that on you... I don't see any of this changing. You'll get burned out trying to shoulder the whole relationship, if you haven't already.