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No_Proposal7628 t1_jec41z0 wrote

Something is very wrong with your wife. I wonder if she developed depression or PPD after the birth of your son and, without treatment, it hasn't gone away. She doesn't want you to touch you and finds you disgusting for winking at her and telling her she looked good. She doesn't want sex. None of this is normal behavior. She needs to get therapy to find out what's wrong with her.

You really can't go on in this marriage like this. You are basically roommates and that's not good. You are going to have to make it clear that she gets help because she isn't acting like a loving and caring wife or the marriage will be over. Sadly, that seems to be where you are right now.

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Ebbie45 t1_jeda4n6 wrote

Everyone suggesting the wife is cheating should know that just last month OP posted in the New Jersey r4r sub with the following ("Hung white muscular male looking for a fuck buddy all times of the day. No drama, no bullshit. FEMALES ONLY. Message me and I’ll send picture").

He also made several posts in 2021 asking for nudes from OnlyFans girls.

Who knows, maybe they're in an open relationship and his wife knows he's doing all this and is ok with it. But maybe not.

Also, a year ago he apparently suggested she have sex with a woman, and she responded by requesting a divorce.

There is a LOT of information missing from this post.

Edit: Oh, and in December he posted in the New Jersey r4r sub as well, with the following: "30 (M4F) very attractive hung jacked white male in Warren county. Looking for discreet FWB, insanely horny. Willing to travel"

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thegreatmei t1_jedckjf wrote

Wow. That changes EVERYTHING. If she knows, suspects, or has a weird gut feeling..then her being grossed our sounds less like potential PPD and more like she's over his shit.

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itsyoursmileandeyes t1_jedmw8y wrote

Profound depression/PPD was my guess but I absolutely agree with you. He disgusts her, seems like this is over.

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johnhowardseyebrowz t1_jee1lbr wrote

Honestly I think even if she doesn't suspect he's cheating, he seems to treat her like a sex object and I wouldn't be surprised if she's sick of being groped and winked at by a man who hasn't even noticed she likely has PPD. I also have a ton of questions about how involved he is in parenting. It can be hard enough to get your mojo back in the first couple years after a baby, but even less so if your husband is being a useless sex pest, I would imagine.

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thegreatmei t1_jegayd0 wrote

I completely agree. Knowing now what OP has omitted, I find the rest of his post suspect. I'm guessing that the wife would have quite a different view of their relationship and the reason behind lack of intimacy.

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Curious-One4595 t1_jedvgfx wrote

Maybe, maybe not.

  1. She isn’t saying you disgust me because you are a cheating loser. She’s saying “grow up we’re not kids anymore.” Of course, that’s bullshit if she’s talking about sex. If she finds his efforts at flirting and initiating intimacy ham-handed and immature, that’s different, but she should say so more explicitly and tell him what she likes. But given that she never initiates herself, her lack of interest is clear.

  2. She has had a radical, irrational shift in attitude, refuses counseling, but also refuses to address it in any meaningful way including providing a meaningful explanation.

  3. Sex comes standard in marriage. She can say no at any time. But unilaterally changing a romantic and sexual relationship to a sterile one is wrong. She has broken a fundamental term of their marriage contract. And frankly, if she refuses to explain it or change, that’s on her. Divorce is the best option. But he’s perfectly within his rights to tell her that if she is not going to meet that need, he is going to have it met elsewhere and if she doesn’t like it she can start the divorce proceedings. That doesn’t make him a cheater. That makes him someone dealing with a bad hand. She already ceded her right to be upset about that.

  4. Communication comes standard in marriage. She has opted out of that completely. She is failing this marriage and doing so puts her in the wrong and she doesn’t get an out for ppd or some other physical or mental health problem because she is doing nothing to address it.

OP, it’s ultimatum time. She has totally failed your marriage and refuses to even talk about it. She doesn’t seem to even like you. This is no environment to raise a child in even if your home is amazing and you are both great parents one on one. This issue is why I don’t think getting sex elsewhere is the right choice for you or your kid. She’s not contributing everything but sex to your marriage. She’s not contributing emotional support or basic communication or shared decision making. She’s a disinterested, contemptuous drone.

Communication and marriage counseling or divorce.

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Pixelka t1_jedy8w6 wrote

So he made several posts in 2021 asking for nudes. His kid is two years old, meaning that he was born in late 2020, or in 2021. The problems started after she gave birth.

My guess is she found out he stepped out of their marriage during the pregnancy or soon after she gave birth. And that he was the one who failed their marriage, hence her coldness and lack of communication. She was at a vulnerable state, with possible ppd, with husband that started looking elsewhere as soon as she gave birth (or even before), while she was exhausted from taking care of the baby and looking after the house.

Divorce is the only option in my opinion. They don't love eachother, there is resentment on both sides, no communication on both sides, and it will be better for kid to have two happy single parents, then grow up watching them hate eachother.

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thegreatmei t1_jegad6r wrote

I was dating someone who I really loved and trusted, but I started getting icked out. I thought it was a me problem, because as far as I knew at the time, nothing in our relationship had changed. I just felt gross and anxious when he touched me, and the feeling grew. I felt like I was losing my mind! I told him that I was dealing with some complicated feelings, but it was really hard to articulate what the issue was because I genuinely didn't know what was going on. I ended up breaking up with him because of it.

Turned out, he'd started cheating on me. I didn't consciously see any signs of cheating. No sudden weirdness about his phone, I didn't catch him in any lies, but the first time he slept with the other woman was the night that I just couldn't be around him without feeling gross. It all lined up later once I found out the truth.

Now, obviously, the wife in the post ( if we can trust OP as a narrator, especially now knowing he has omitted important details ) is giving reasons that don't seem to make sense. It makes me wonder if that's done by design to get a certain reaction from us here.

Should she communicate with him? Definitely. Has she? Hard to say.

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zhentarim_agent t1_jedjsmh wrote

so /u/limitless_0509 perhaps your wife hates you because you're a disgusting pig - curious if you had thought of that when making those r4r posts to cheat on her?

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ThrowRADel t1_jee1hzb wrote

And he's a follower of Andrew fucking Tate.

I don't blame the wife for wanting to throw out the whole husband.

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zhentarim_agent t1_jef0ivu wrote

Oh wow somehow it got worse. LOL

I see he's deleted his post. Guess he wasn't really introspective about how he ruined his own marriage and is trying to pin it on his poor wife. I hope she's able to to get out and divorce him.

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leelam808 t1_jedejz7 wrote

Unbelievable. I’m surprised he hasn’t connected any dots especially after deleting the posts. I’d be surprised if she didn’t divorce. At his partners most vulnerable time he decides to plan to be unfaithful and sleep with just about any woman and is willing to travel to them. Pathetic

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Hermiona1 t1_jedueqw wrote

He also posted something about his girlfriend two years ago... This is a troll

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melly_swelly t1_jedk53x wrote

If I could give you an award, I would. No wonder his wife doesn't want anything to do with him.

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mrsrostocka t1_jec5ye2 wrote

I second this, if a change after the birth, don't give up on her just yet.

She maybe struggling adjusting to motherhood and doing most of it alone, I'm not saying your a bad parent at all. Just some mother's find it really overwhelming and a lot of psychological/ physical things are happening.

Look into her mental health first, she might be burnt out and just can't handle anything more than wake, child, food, sleep?!?!

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Upstairs_Return6106 t1_jedshnq wrote

It's been 2 years lol She said he was disgusting. OP needs to have self respect and just leave

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appleandwatermelonn t1_jedu5j8 wrote

Did you just scroll past the comment above this where someone points out multiple posts of OP publicly trying to cheat on his wife and that he tried to push her into having sex with a woman leading to her asking for a divorce.

He is disgusting.

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mrsrostocka t1_jee2vnx wrote

Having read what ebbie45 has written, I still believe she is depressed and what I say about the wife could still hold, but no fucking wonder she is in the state she is in.

Yeah, she thinks you're disgusting for a reason!!

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