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SystemicHappiness t1_jebxenq wrote

>I don’t want him to grow up without both parents being present

Divorce doesn't mean he loses a parent and even if it did he'd grow up a lot happier with one parent who loved him rather than in a home where one of his parents is actively disgusted by the other.

It's important to do what's good for your son but doing it at the detriment of yourself will hurt him in the long run.

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todayismyirlcakeday t1_jecoq33 wrote

OP your kids gonna be more fucked up having no idea what a healthy relationship looks like

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SystemicHappiness t1_jecox0f wrote

Exactly, I'd rather my kid only see me on weekends than to grow up thinking it's okay for them to be in a marriage like that.

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OtherwiseInclined t1_jedrti2 wrote

Exactly. In this case his son would benefit from not having OP in his life, so that he doesn't have to see his dad posting on r4r subreddit describing himself as "extremely horny, well hung, jacked white male" looking for a "discreet FWB" while his wife is pregnant.

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Kubuubud t1_jecq0el wrote

As someone with parents who SHOULD have gotten divorced, staying for the kids does not help the kids. Parents are the main example of a romantic relationship, so if theirs is toxic, kids learn that romance is toxic. It warped my views on love horribly and took many years of therapy to dissect the issue and heal. Your kids deserve to see a good model for loving relationships

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DimTimfromKew t1_jebybdq wrote

In the absence of any information from her as to what is going on, you really only have two choices - force the issue or try your best to ignore it.

As someone else here said, just asking a simple question "do you still love me?" is a good one to go with, however I'd be more inclined to get straight to the point and ask the obvious one "do you still want to be married to me or do you just want me to go?"

Do not accept her walking away without responding as an answer and even go to the extent of saying to her if she does, that this is all the answer you need and you'll start speaking to lawyers tomorrow as you can no longer live like this.

As things stand, you can't keep living like this and she is not going to offer any solutions, or even hint at what is wrong, then your only recourse is to default to looking out for yourself and take action to keep you happy.

Whether that happiness is found with her in your life or her out of it is something that you may have to seriously address.

Wish I had the time to do the sort of research u/ebbie45 does.

151

Suffocatinginmydream t1_jedum3z wrote

Someone found his post history where he's been trying to cheat on her for several years. Suggested she sleep with another woman, etc.

Yeah, OPs wife isn't offering a solution, I wonder why.

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DimTimfromKew t1_jeduwz8 wrote

Ahh, hadn't bothered to look myself but that would explain everything.

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YEEyourlastHAW t1_jee13rg wrote

That’s the scary part about seeing posts like this online and only getting one side. I truly was worried for his wife experiencing some mental health trauma around birth/parenthood, but now you find out he’s just a bit of a scum bag looking for ammunition to make his wife the problem so he gets out easier on the divorce.

10

BulletRazor t1_jedh7si wrote

Going off your comment/post history, I don’t blame your wife.

The marriage should be over, she deserves better.

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PileaPrairiemioides t1_jec83g7 wrote

Sounds like it could be postpartum depression. At least that should be ruled out first, if everything was great until you had your son.

This sounds like an extremely difficult situation and I’m really sorry that you’re dealing with this.

I don’t know if this relationship is salvageable, but I would recommend, for now, at least, that you stop flirting, and stop initiating physical contact with her that she clearly does not welcome. If she is depressed and there is something to save here, hugs and flirting that she has made clear she does not want may sour her on those forever by building negative associations. I’ve had partners who touched me when it was not welcome and even when I wanted to make the relationship work it was impossible to get past the self-protective impulse to pull away from touch that I had started to associate with someone violating my consent.

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jordimazda t1_jee03g9 wrote

Turns out he’s either a cheater or a troll so don’t feel for him.

13

watzrox t1_jedlhiz wrote

She checked out cause she deserves better you colossal douche bag.

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[deleted] OP t1_jebvyyw wrote

Just ask her..."Do you still love me?" And if she doesn't answer or avoids the question.. You know the answer.

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artichoke313 t1_jecd7ug wrote

This does not seem like the winning strategy. Based on her overall avoidant behavior, it is most likely that she would avoid this question too. My first impression is that she is deeply depressed. I would probably be really intentional about setting up a conversation. Are there places or times of day that she seems a little better than others? I’d let her know you want to have a serious conversation and plan it for that environment. Get your child a sitter. Don’t try to flirt because she apparently is not interested in that right now. I’d ask her, are you happy with our relationship right now. Encourage her to be honest. If she isn’t open about what’s bothering her, I’d tell her straight up that you’re not happy and you want her help to figure out what to do. Tell her what you want - the ability to converse with each other, to be romantic together, and to demonstrate to your son what a healthy relationship should look like. Be frank and tell her that the way she has been acting has been really hard on you, but also be kind and tell her you want to support her, hear how she is feeling, and come up with ideas together. If you have to, tell her you are concerned that she may be depressed and ask her if that is something she resonates with. I wouldn’t bring up separation at this point. Depression creates cognitive distortions and they may lead her to say things she would otherwise regret, so don’t set the conversation up for failure like that.

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M1ND4R0 t1_jecr28r wrote

I think this is probably the best approach. I would be tempted personally to mention divorce but I think this person is onto something. This is the first course of action. Of course if she's not engaging then I think you will need to bring up the topic of separation/divorce and if she still wants to be in this relationship.

Because you can't fix this alone. And living like this is a poor example for your child. Seeing his mom avoid interacting with dad and repelling at even the slightest touch is a horrible example to be setting.

1

MrSlabBulkhead t1_jec9pdn wrote

You have to do the ultimatum: counseling or divorce. This is to a point of no return.

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Bhrunhilda t1_jedkzij wrote

Dude’s been cheating on her. She probably finds him disgusting bc he is. They should just divorce.

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MrSlabBulkhead t1_jeedrir wrote

I didn’t see that until now. Yiiiiiiiiikes, what a pos he is.

1

Outside-Ad-1677 t1_jechgr4 wrote

First rule out anything medical like undiagnosed PPD, she sounds apathetic towards life which is a huge flag for depression. Honestly you may have to stage a bit of an intervention if she’s refusing therapy already.

If it’s nothing medical then honestly I usually never suggest going nuclear but I’d demand marriage counseling or splitting up. Something is very broken here.

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jordimazda t1_jee05in wrote

Turns out op is broken bc he’s either a cheater or a troll so don’t feel for him.

8

[deleted] OP t1_jebvlt8 wrote

[deleted]

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AllSoulsNight t1_jed2dtx wrote

I was wondering this too. Is she carrying some major resentment? Is she fed up with doing everything? The cooking, cleaning, laundry, keeping the in-laws happy, evening and morning child wrangling, etc? Do you only pay attention to her when you want something? Are you overly occupied with hobbies or video games? I think there needs to be a major sit down and get this all sorted out.

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[deleted] OP t1_jebw21x wrote

Son goes to daycare as we both work. She enjoys cooking so she will cook and I clean up after. Every night we clean up the house before bed, it’s never really messy

−5

Quiet-Hamster6509 t1_jedt9z5 wrote

Mate with your comment history it's no wonder she acts this way. I wouldn't want a bar of you either.

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Affectionate_Ad3560 t1_jebxl41 wrote

You need a serious talk mate. Its not easy but you need to firmly but fairly talk about this. Tell her exactly what you have said here. "Hey (name) I need a serious chat with you and I would appreciate you attention. I feel you have been really off with me and done some cold things that have hurt me (examples) they hurt me as I love you and it upsets me you doing these things. You have been really quiet with me and I feel theres very little effort coming from your end. If there is something I can do I am listening now and need you to open up to me. Because this is really effecting me. We never have intemacy anymore and its very important to me. and is effecting me greatly all these things accumilating. Good luck, if she gives you cold hearted awnsers etc then you can potentialy end things there or say "look im trying my hardest and you arent I cannot carry on with you like this, so what is your choice."

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[deleted] OP t1_jec5km1 wrote

[deleted]

−11

ElectricBugs t1_jedqguh wrote

He's been posting to have sex with other women. I bet she doesn't like him because of that.

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Affectionate_Ad3560 t1_jedo6s9 wrote

he probably has but they may have been brushed off as subtle. A full blown conversation if she refuses. Time to get out

−14

nanimal77 t1_jebvakg wrote

Is she depressed? Who does she talk to, friends, parents, coworkers? Does she engage with your son?

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[deleted] OP t1_jebvskl wrote

She’s always on her phone texting and calling people but she uses her phone a lot for work taking to clients. So I’m not sure if it’s for work or pleasure. She engages with our son whenever she can. She’s a good mom

−27

OkCardiologist2403 t1_jecfzwk wrote

She’s checked out of your marriage would check her phone and phone records, almost evey cheating post mentions excessive use and secrecy with their phone

8

Ebbie45 t1_jed9rq8 wrote

I mean, considering OP posted last month in the New Jersey 4fr sub with the following ("Hung white muscular male looking for a fuck buddy all times of the day. No drama, no bullshit. FEMALES ONLY. Message me and I’ll send picture"), I'm more concerned about him cheating than her.

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Curious-One4595 t1_jedvz6g wrote

It’s not cheating to get your sexual needs met elsewhere because your spouse has unilaterally and without explanation opted out of sex. She broke the marriage relationship first and refuses to communicate at all about it.

−29

MelodicPiranha t1_jed7z77 wrote

Being on the phone texting people doesn’t mean she may not be depressed. If the switch was drastic and happened right after the birth of your son, I doubt it’s cheating. Women don’t exactly feel like sex bombs right after giving birth.

6

tigerbeds t1_jedtq7o wrote

Maybe she hates you because you're a desperate and pathetic excuse for a man looking to find random sex behind your family's back on reddit? That's probably why.

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CplSaveAHo t1_jedq9r8 wrote

Maybe she knows about your cheating?

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ElectricBugs t1_jedqvvw wrote

You say you had to basically beg for sex. Do you mean you coerced her into sex? That you nagged her until she gave in to stop you from harassing her? Because that's rape

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RB_Kehlani t1_jedxpqo wrote

Love to see the split between people who read your history and those who didn’t

11

Sheemscat t1_jecg70d wrote

Yikes... that's a dead relationship. Something happened.

Sit her down and find out

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downstairslion t1_jecyafv wrote

Oof. This is PPD, could also be PTSD from birth. I felt that the only time my husband looked at me or touched me at all was to initiate sex. It literally made my skin crawl. I felt abandoned and unloved and like he was just trying to get his dick wet. It wasn't until I sought treatment for my own mental health that my marriage could start healing.

10

Suffocatinginmydream t1_jeduj5j wrote

OP your history suggests you might actually be acting disgusting. Does your wife know that you've been fishing for pussy the whole time you've been married or.....???? Release that woman. Please.

10

Ok_Ideal2 t1_jedscz9 wrote

Grow up. She might pay attention but it won’t be the attention you’re looking for. She problem saw your post looking for pussy and is trying to calm down before she tells you to eff off

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MikeLinPA t1_jecw9mo wrote

Your child is better off being from a broken home than being in a broken home.

You can't make it better by yourself. You cannot make her happy if she refuses to be happy.

Do what you have to do. Get therapy for yourself even if she won't go. Contact a lawyer. Document everything.

Good luck.

5

One-Support-5004 t1_jed94ny wrote

She's staying for the kid. Hate to break it to ya, but it might be well past over.

I would say it's something related to PPD, but if she's refusing to seek therapy then there's no fix

It's not gonna get better. It's only gonna get worse.

5

Dark-Haven-Witch t1_jee1y3g wrote

Wow . . . you actually posted this. I’m stunned.

I’m glad she’s treating you this way. She has already checked out and planned her escape. You have been reduced to nothing but a gross mistake of her past.

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Billowing_Flags t1_jecbu9u wrote

As she is refusing marriage counseling, there's no other alternative except divorce.

This isn't going to change because she doesn't want it to. My guess is that if she decided your son needs a little brother/sister, then she'd turn on the charm again. This isn't what you signed up for when you married her; to have a sexless marriage before you were 30yo!

You and your wife are modeling behavior for your son: being an adult, a spouse, a parent. As he grows and sees this, he will have a very warped idea of personal/sexual relationships. PLEASE get out and find someone new. Having 2 parents in two different happy homes is much better for him than watching the dismissive, disgusted repulsion that your wife is showing. You and your son deserve better. Your wife does, too, but only she can be the architect of her better life!

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Naive-Selection-7113 t1_jeddu4j wrote

It took over 3 years for my wife to recover from severe Post-partum depression, it wasn't that dissimilar meds didn't seem to help but counciling did a bit and then one day it started getting better and better and that was 5 years ago. It was a lot of loving the unlovely parts of her but I stuck it out.

I know the kind of situation you are in but I certainly don't know exactly. I remember the bad months, the times I persevered against all odd and hownshe still weeps in thankfulness that i didnt stop loving her during the worst of it.

I can't tell you what you need to do, and if she's struggling with depression she probably can't tell you either so take what advice you see on here, find people to help support you and remember to take time to breathe when the walls start closing in.

Big hugs OP 🫂 I know it is awful but I hope you find a way through💙

4

procrastinationprogr t1_jecrxea wrote

First off you need to evaluate all medical reasons why she acts like this such as PPD. Depression would explain a lot.

After this is ruled out you can try couples counseling and sex counseling.

Because of you mentioning her being on her phone alot I also have to mention cheating as a possibility. If she shuts down the two first suggestions cheating starts becoming a more likely option. I would start snooping if it reaches this point.

Make sure that she understands that your relationship is on the line if she doesn't agree to the first two suggestions.

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TonyWrocks t1_jed01z1 wrote

Depression is contagious. This will not get better without counseling. Make a good choice here.

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Spiritual-Recipe9565 t1_jee5w98 wrote

I just saw the other posts about your post history. She has a right to be mad and not want to speak to you ever again. Your actions have been disgusting. I don't blame her for not wanting to speak to you. But it does sound like you guys need to go into serious therapy or just get a divorce. Let this poor woman go.

2

TesseractAnn t1_jee858z wrote

I mean I would be disgusted with my husband winking at me too if he was a cheater 🤷

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1

Mr_Donatti t1_jecityg wrote

Why are you fighting for someone who interested in you at all anymore? Leave before this beats you down and be the best dad for your son.

1

Nightie_Whities t1_jecoan3 wrote

It sounds like she doesn’t like you at all. She seems repulsed by being touched by you.

I experienced this with my ex wife when she started cheating and fell head over heels for another guy (who was engaged no less). Suddenly she started acting like any physical touch was from a stranger.

Regardless though, it sounds like she just isn’t that into you.

1

WanderersEndgame t1_jecswet wrote

There are couples who decide to remain in an essentially companionless marriage for a variety of reasons, children being just one of them. I can't imagine it myself. Those would be my final words to her. Perhaps a writer who stayed can advise you about that option.

1

SunShineShady t1_jed45re wrote

Your marriage sounds over, from her side. She doesn’t act like she wants to be with you at all. If she won’t go to counseling and won’t talk to you, you should speak to a lawyer.

1

FullFrontal687 t1_jed4oy8 wrote

I also want to add that OP doesn't describe what the relationship was like BEFORE kids. Was she affectionate? Or aloof? Was she never a touchy feely person? Did she look forward to going on dates with OP? Did she ever initiate sex? Without knowing that, it's difficult to know how sharp a dropoff this is from her pre-baby personality.

1

SquirrelGod9000 t1_jed7cx2 wrote

Something similar happened to an old friend of mine, after having a kid something changed with the wife and she became "Mom" and stopped doing anything relationship wise. Unfortunately it led to their divorce.

Edit: Maybe suggest that she talk with a therapist alone to sort out her feelings.

1

MelodicPiranha t1_jed7f42 wrote

I’ll be honest. She sounds depressed. She may be suffering from undiagnosed post-partum depression. Especially if the problems started right after your son was born.

It’s going to be a tough conversation, but something you may need to discuss with her. Don’t let her walk away.

1

etakknow t1_jed91r1 wrote

Looks like it’s over at her end.

Talk to her and discuss how you two can just co-parent.

1

Katseye1975 t1_jedqqi0 wrote

Coming from a "broken home " if you will.... I will tell you that seeing your parents in a bad marriage is much worse for the kids than seeing both parents move on to healthy relationships separately. When my mom finally divorced my father when I was 11, I asked her why she waited so long. I could see that neither of them were happy at all, and it caused stress in the house. If she won't help work on the marriage, then you would probably be better to separate sooner rather than later. Your child will be happier for it, and you can model the kind of relationship you hope for him to have.

1

lizardtearsRA t1_jeds5c5 wrote

Yeah, it does sound like it's gearing towards the end... your wife might be severely depressed and if she doesn't want to address it, there's not much you can do.

>I don’t want him to grow up without both parents being present

It's much worse seeing parents hate each other, and thinking his whole life that that's what love is supposed to be, than seeing the two of you happy with someone else.

1

ProfessionalTax6386 t1_jedv85i wrote

Take her to see a psychiatrist. Not a general doctor but a psychiatrist whose specialty is dealing with mental health issues. It sounds like PPD to me.

1

LongStatistician1615 t1_jed79m2 wrote

*PPD

If she only started to act this way after the baby, I would get her help.

0

No_Proposal7628 t1_jec41z0 wrote

Something is very wrong with your wife. I wonder if she developed depression or PPD after the birth of your son and, without treatment, it hasn't gone away. She doesn't want you to touch you and finds you disgusting for winking at her and telling her she looked good. She doesn't want sex. None of this is normal behavior. She needs to get therapy to find out what's wrong with her.

You really can't go on in this marriage like this. You are basically roommates and that's not good. You are going to have to make it clear that she gets help because she isn't acting like a loving and caring wife or the marriage will be over. Sadly, that seems to be where you are right now.

−1

Ebbie45 t1_jeda4n6 wrote

Everyone suggesting the wife is cheating should know that just last month OP posted in the New Jersey r4r sub with the following ("Hung white muscular male looking for a fuck buddy all times of the day. No drama, no bullshit. FEMALES ONLY. Message me and I’ll send picture").

He also made several posts in 2021 asking for nudes from OnlyFans girls.

Who knows, maybe they're in an open relationship and his wife knows he's doing all this and is ok with it. But maybe not.

Also, a year ago he apparently suggested she have sex with a woman, and she responded by requesting a divorce.

There is a LOT of information missing from this post.

Edit: Oh, and in December he posted in the New Jersey r4r sub as well, with the following: "30 (M4F) very attractive hung jacked white male in Warren county. Looking for discreet FWB, insanely horny. Willing to travel"

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thegreatmei t1_jedckjf wrote

Wow. That changes EVERYTHING. If she knows, suspects, or has a weird gut feeling..then her being grossed our sounds less like potential PPD and more like she's over his shit.

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itsyoursmileandeyes t1_jedmw8y wrote

Profound depression/PPD was my guess but I absolutely agree with you. He disgusts her, seems like this is over.

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johnhowardseyebrowz t1_jee1lbr wrote

Honestly I think even if she doesn't suspect he's cheating, he seems to treat her like a sex object and I wouldn't be surprised if she's sick of being groped and winked at by a man who hasn't even noticed she likely has PPD. I also have a ton of questions about how involved he is in parenting. It can be hard enough to get your mojo back in the first couple years after a baby, but even less so if your husband is being a useless sex pest, I would imagine.

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thegreatmei t1_jegayd0 wrote

I completely agree. Knowing now what OP has omitted, I find the rest of his post suspect. I'm guessing that the wife would have quite a different view of their relationship and the reason behind lack of intimacy.

1

Curious-One4595 t1_jedvgfx wrote

Maybe, maybe not.

  1. She isn’t saying you disgust me because you are a cheating loser. She’s saying “grow up we’re not kids anymore.” Of course, that’s bullshit if she’s talking about sex. If she finds his efforts at flirting and initiating intimacy ham-handed and immature, that’s different, but she should say so more explicitly and tell him what she likes. But given that she never initiates herself, her lack of interest is clear.

  2. She has had a radical, irrational shift in attitude, refuses counseling, but also refuses to address it in any meaningful way including providing a meaningful explanation.

  3. Sex comes standard in marriage. She can say no at any time. But unilaterally changing a romantic and sexual relationship to a sterile one is wrong. She has broken a fundamental term of their marriage contract. And frankly, if she refuses to explain it or change, that’s on her. Divorce is the best option. But he’s perfectly within his rights to tell her that if she is not going to meet that need, he is going to have it met elsewhere and if she doesn’t like it she can start the divorce proceedings. That doesn’t make him a cheater. That makes him someone dealing with a bad hand. She already ceded her right to be upset about that.

  4. Communication comes standard in marriage. She has opted out of that completely. She is failing this marriage and doing so puts her in the wrong and she doesn’t get an out for ppd or some other physical or mental health problem because she is doing nothing to address it.

OP, it’s ultimatum time. She has totally failed your marriage and refuses to even talk about it. She doesn’t seem to even like you. This is no environment to raise a child in even if your home is amazing and you are both great parents one on one. This issue is why I don’t think getting sex elsewhere is the right choice for you or your kid. She’s not contributing everything but sex to your marriage. She’s not contributing emotional support or basic communication or shared decision making. She’s a disinterested, contemptuous drone.

Communication and marriage counseling or divorce.

−36

Pixelka t1_jedy8w6 wrote

So he made several posts in 2021 asking for nudes. His kid is two years old, meaning that he was born in late 2020, or in 2021. The problems started after she gave birth.

My guess is she found out he stepped out of their marriage during the pregnancy or soon after she gave birth. And that he was the one who failed their marriage, hence her coldness and lack of communication. She was at a vulnerable state, with possible ppd, with husband that started looking elsewhere as soon as she gave birth (or even before), while she was exhausted from taking care of the baby and looking after the house.

Divorce is the only option in my opinion. They don't love eachother, there is resentment on both sides, no communication on both sides, and it will be better for kid to have two happy single parents, then grow up watching them hate eachother.

18

thegreatmei t1_jegad6r wrote

I was dating someone who I really loved and trusted, but I started getting icked out. I thought it was a me problem, because as far as I knew at the time, nothing in our relationship had changed. I just felt gross and anxious when he touched me, and the feeling grew. I felt like I was losing my mind! I told him that I was dealing with some complicated feelings, but it was really hard to articulate what the issue was because I genuinely didn't know what was going on. I ended up breaking up with him because of it.

Turned out, he'd started cheating on me. I didn't consciously see any signs of cheating. No sudden weirdness about his phone, I didn't catch him in any lies, but the first time he slept with the other woman was the night that I just couldn't be around him without feeling gross. It all lined up later once I found out the truth.

Now, obviously, the wife in the post ( if we can trust OP as a narrator, especially now knowing he has omitted important details ) is giving reasons that don't seem to make sense. It makes me wonder if that's done by design to get a certain reaction from us here.

Should she communicate with him? Definitely. Has she? Hard to say.

2

zhentarim_agent t1_jedjsmh wrote

so /u/limitless_0509 perhaps your wife hates you because you're a disgusting pig - curious if you had thought of that when making those r4r posts to cheat on her?

130

ThrowRADel t1_jee1hzb wrote

And he's a follower of Andrew fucking Tate.

I don't blame the wife for wanting to throw out the whole husband.

41

zhentarim_agent t1_jef0ivu wrote

Oh wow somehow it got worse. LOL

I see he's deleted his post. Guess he wasn't really introspective about how he ruined his own marriage and is trying to pin it on his poor wife. I hope she's able to to get out and divorce him.

1

leelam808 t1_jedejz7 wrote

Unbelievable. I’m surprised he hasn’t connected any dots especially after deleting the posts. I’d be surprised if she didn’t divorce. At his partners most vulnerable time he decides to plan to be unfaithful and sleep with just about any woman and is willing to travel to them. Pathetic

89

Hermiona1 t1_jedueqw wrote

He also posted something about his girlfriend two years ago... This is a troll

31

melly_swelly t1_jedk53x wrote

If I could give you an award, I would. No wonder his wife doesn't want anything to do with him.

30

mrsrostocka t1_jec5ye2 wrote

I second this, if a change after the birth, don't give up on her just yet.

She maybe struggling adjusting to motherhood and doing most of it alone, I'm not saying your a bad parent at all. Just some mother's find it really overwhelming and a lot of psychological/ physical things are happening.

Look into her mental health first, she might be burnt out and just can't handle anything more than wake, child, food, sleep?!?!

113

Upstairs_Return6106 t1_jedshnq wrote

It's been 2 years lol She said he was disgusting. OP needs to have self respect and just leave

−16

appleandwatermelonn t1_jedu5j8 wrote

Did you just scroll past the comment above this where someone points out multiple posts of OP publicly trying to cheat on his wife and that he tried to push her into having sex with a woman leading to her asking for a divorce.

He is disgusting.

19

mrsrostocka t1_jee2vnx wrote

Having read what ebbie45 has written, I still believe she is depressed and what I say about the wife could still hold, but no fucking wonder she is in the state she is in.

Yeah, she thinks you're disgusting for a reason!!

5

UKNZ007Tubbs t1_jed9yi0 wrote

Yes sorry high chance your marriage is over.

First she needs to be sent for professional help - to determine if she is suffering from PPD.

If she’s not in a massive bout of PPD then she’s either cheated or is cheating, so next step is paternity testing (probably a good idea even if PPD to put your mind at rest)

Then marriage counselling - this is non negotiable, if she says no again, go straight for the divorce attorney.

−3

Ebbie45 t1_jedbmhu wrote

> If she’s not in a massive bout of PPD then she’s either cheated or is cheating

OP has repeatedly posted in an r4r sub describing his dick size and requesting a female "fuck buddy." Just to give some more context.

27

UKNZ007Tubbs t1_jedc5vx wrote

So they both may have cheated (OP for certain)

−14

Ebbie45 t1_jedceea wrote

Well I left open the possibility that maybe it's an open relationship, though that seems kind of doubtful. Him specifically requesting a "discreet" FWB seems off if that's the case. Sure, she could be cheating, who knows. But she also requested a divorce a year ago after he suggested she sleep with a woman.

So idk. There seems to be so much missing from this post that could provide really helpful context.

15

Kilr_Kowalski t1_jec5juw wrote

Your wife is being unfair to your emotions and the relationship is unequal, no, I change my mind, it is bad.

Sexual intimacy is a bit of a trap. Often I have seen that women need emotional intimacy before sexual intimacy and men need it the other way around. One way or another you are getting neither from her, so just ignore that you aren't getting laid because worrying about that will not help.

I do believe that confrontation is in order but be smart about it. Get a referral to a psychologist who is trained in Family Therapy. Organise a baby sitter. Book the appointment and invite your partner but let her know that you will be attending one way or the other.

Look the rest will come about as it is destined to do but make sure that you have done your best for what you want (it sounds like you want a better relationship with her rather than to break up).

If you do your best and it still fails then you will still need therapy so that you can continue to work on a shared parenting, and what kind of parent you are going to be.

−4

tuna_fart t1_jed4es0 wrote

Counseling is probably necessary. Book an appointment and convince her

−5

No-Communication9979 t1_jed5nqg wrote

This has all the signs of her being emotionally attached to someone else, possibly a coworker or ex. Look at phone records and her social media postings. If you see one person responding more than anyone else or she responding to someone a lot, red flag city.

It could also be a postpartum thing but please keep digging.

−5

XChoke t1_jedrqj4 wrote

Yeah this sounds like she is cheating. Gather your evidence.

−5

FullFrontal687 t1_jed4a3d wrote

"We’ve worked our asses off to earn a beautiful forever home" - sunk cost fallacy

"She walked away without saying a word." - post-partum depression

"We’ve had sex about 5 times within these 2 years and honestly, I basically had to beg for it." - you have lost pride in yourself and somehow accepted this as the new normal; its not

" I’ve suggested marriage counseling but she said absolutely not" - not acceptable unless she is suffering from severe depression

I would recommend getting as many family members together as possible, explain the situation to you, and then stage an intervention. If she still refuses counseling and an evaluation, you walk, and take everything with you that is due to you. I would also fight for as much custody as possible because I don't think someone like this is safe around children in the long term.

−8

Camp_Munch t1_jed9xhk wrote

Not safe around kids? Great assumption there.

OP said himself that she's a good mother.

Because she doesn't want op anymore, doesn't make her a shit mother.

Maybe op isn't the fantastic and caring husband he's making out. You do only have his side of the story.

Sounds like she despises him and that doesn't happen for no reason.

7

FullFrontal687 t1_jedbizv wrote

Yeah, let's just pretend that Debora Green and Andrea Yates never existed.

−8

Ebbie45 t1_jedbsjb wrote

It might not be a PPD issue. OP asked her to have sex with a woman a year ago and she requested a divorce afterwards. He also has repeatedly posted in r4r subs describing his dick size and asking for a "discreet" female "fuckbuddy."

It sounds like there's a lot of contextual info conveniently left out of this post that really skews what is written here.

17

ReenMo t1_jed6rr0 wrote

Sounds like she is staying put for the kid and house and security but she obviously has other interest with someone else (in her phone).

−9

Ebbie45 t1_jedba3k wrote

OP has repeatedly posted in New Jersey r4r subs describing the size of his dick and requesting a female "fuck buddy" - specifically a "discreet" one.

Sounds like he's the one who's interested in someone else.

18

ReenMo t1_jedbvxi wrote

These one sided reports are so interesting to go back and read after new relevant info is introduced.

8

ATXRedhead420 t1_jecmvcr wrote

How has it not occurred to you that your wife likely has severe post partum depression? She needs help!

−16

stratus_translucidus t1_jecof1w wrote

He's TRIED to talk to her; she just walks away!

What should he do - tie her to a chair to keep her in the room so she listens to him ? Drag her kicking and screaming to a marriage therapist or inpatient treatment?

He's ASKING for advice!

🤦‍♀️

5