I (F21) and my bf (M21) want a threesome, but I’m afraid he’ll be mad if I tell him who I want it with.

Submitted by [deleted] t3_1271obk in relationship_advice

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

I F21, and my boyfriend, M21 have been dating for over a year, While in the beginning we were on and off and even almost broke up last year, our relationship has been better than ever for the past 7 months. We hardly fight, we are on the same page, we communicate, etc. So our rough patch definitely happened early on. I love him very much and I love the life we have together.

My bf and I have been talking about a 1-2 time threesome since he’s poly in a sexual way. Before anyone asks, he brought it up to me months ago. He said it doesn’t matter if we do it or not and that he can live either way. I recently came out as bisexual after having internalized homophobia for years (I was raised in a religious conservative family that almost always criticized me). I’ve known that I prefer men over women, but always tried to ignore the sexual feelings I’ve had for the women I find attractive. I’ve never had sex with a woman, but the idea of it sounds amazing and my bf being there sounds great too. We decided on the girl we would like to ask because she’s the perfect fit. She and I are acquainted, she’s bi, my type, and down for anything (based on the convos I’ve had with her). All I need to do is talk to her and see if she would be comfortable with it and if not that is more than okay and we can forget we ever asked. I know she finds my boyfriend attractive and she’s been flirty with me so that’s the main reason I feel like it’s appropriate to ask her.

Here’s where I feel stuck: I want the same thing but with a guy & my boyfriend is cool with that. But I want it to be with a guy that I somewhat know (but not actively talking to or friends with). I think my bf is threatened by him since I somewhat know him and he was a part of our rough patch (not cheating, just a long story that I won’t spend time typing here due to the fact it’ll be like 3 paragraphs). I want to tell my bf I want it to be w him but i’m afraid my bf will think I have feelings even tho it’s purely sexual and I’m fine with blocking him and doing whatever he wants me to do afterwards. I feel like it’s fine bc he had a similar situation with a girl like I did with this guy a little over a year ago but my bf was seriously debating leaving me so he can live his single life and get with her and also doubting committing to anyone at 19. I also gave him the option to pick the girl for one of the threesomes and I do not mind who it is but he wanted me to decide.

I’m wondering if I should just forget about it & I’m more than willing to keep things how they are. However, if we do it w 2 girls and 1 guy I feel like we should be able to do it the other way around. I don’t think it’ll change anything if he knows I want nothing to do with the guy in the long run. Yet he’s the one that worries that I can’t emotionally handle it. Not sure what the best way to go about this is or if I might be approaching this the wrong way?

TL;DR: My bf and I are both wanting a threesome if the opportunity appears and I want one of the threesomes to be with a guy I somewhat know (not friends and we don’t hang out) that I feel my boyfriend would tie too many emotions to and not want it.

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hisimpendingbaldness t1_jec45lv wrote

Pick a different boy for your mmf threesome. If its just sex the who shouldn't matter as much

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Reasonable_Major1678 t1_jec6d34 wrote

A different guy would be better, do not bring in a guy you have history and your boyfriend has resentment for. Why not wait a bit to have the threesome till you have clear rules in places.

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Cooterhawk t1_jec6b9j wrote

If you want it to work find another guy. It’s asking for trouble to bring someone into it that has already been part of issues in the past. Think about it if the roles were reversed.

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