Should I (27f) break up with my (25m) boyfriend?

Submitted by Independent-Cap4617 t3_1280oi9 in relationship_advice

My boyfriend and I have been together for a year and a half. We met at a school we both worked at. From the beginning of our relationship we had serious conversations about our wants in life. Our wants were quite different. When I met him, I knew he wanted to travel and go into the peace corps. When our casual relationship developed into so much more, I still stayed with him knowing he was leaving less than a year of us meeting to go overseas for two years. At the last minute he unexpectedly got denied to travel to the country he was set out to go to. He was devastated. He ended up moving into my new apartment with me, which is closer to my new job. Ever since he has been miserable. He’s been disappointed that his dreams fell through. He has an hour commute to work and it drains him. He’s in grad school and that drains him. I don’t like where I work and live so I’m planning on moving closer to home, and therefore closer to his work. Just recently I was offered a house to live in in my hometown by my family. He does not seem excited to move in. The issue is he can’t afford rent- I am paying the rent wherever we move so I want to be where is best for me. He tells me he never pictured this for his future- being in his home town settled. He’s already told me (and we’ve had many conversations) about the fact that I want kids by my 30’s and he does not. He wants to travel and has no desires or plans to settle soon… yet we kinda are settled and he’s not forced to be here. He could easily go live with his parents. What should I do? I’ve told him these issues make me feel like I need to end it. I’ve told him I don’t want to sit in a relationship that isn’t going to go anywhere. When I say that he shares his thoughts but also tells me how much he loves me and can’t imagine life without me. It doesn’t make sense. What would you do if someone you love doesn’t seem to have real plans for the future or want a family in the future?

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Logical-Wasabi7402 t1_jegqmdw wrote

I see two issues.

  1. His life plans fell through and now he's experiencing depression.

  2. Your fundamental incompatibility regarding children.

The first one can be worked through if you want to. The second one, not so much.

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trishsf t1_jegoyi0 wrote

Really? You aren’t compatible. These aren’t issues. They are major differences in what you each want out of life. Break up. Do not let his miserable self who hates his life and can’t afford rent to move in. Read this back and pretend a stranger wrote it. The answer is obvious.

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HHIOTF t1_jegpj2u wrote

You want completely different things in life. Why prolong the inevitable.

He may be a nice guy, but that's not enough to sustain a relationship long term when you have very different goals.

You are wasting your precious time by staying with him.

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