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spilgrim16 t1_jea0ns6 wrote

You are 18 and only been seeing this guy for 6 months? Do you live in the US? If so you should absolutely not be trying for a baby and frankly a 37 year old who wants a baby with an 18 year old is absolutely a red flag.

And it sounds like he doesn't respect your sexual boundaries. You've told him clearly that you would prefer sex to not last as long and he has ignored that. That is another big read flag.

You are young and will have plenty of time to meet people who are better suited for you. This is does not sound like a healthy relationship at all. And I'm begging you as much as a stranger on the internet can, DO NOT HAVE A BABY WITH THIS GUY.

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Kalaanii t1_jea1ad2 wrote

He hasn’t had like the typical life of a 37 year old so I kinda get his perspective and he wants a kid before 40 and I want kids young so w that aspect I think we match but he definitely doesn’t respect my boundaries

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spilgrim16 t1_jea1kgt wrote

If he doesn't respect your boundaries the conversation stops there. That isn't the recipe for a healthy or happy long term relationship and even if you don't stay together if you reproduce you'll be forced to have a relationship forever whether you want one or not.

Edit: PS, having the self confidence to dump someone because they don't respect your boundaries comes with experiences. It's why having a child super young is often a bad idea, you don't know yourself, relationships and the like well enough to know if the person you want to have a baby with is someone you should do that with. And I'm sure there are 18 year olds here or there who have that maturity but most don't, and there is nothing wrong with not having it yet. If you couldn't get to the point of recognizing you should dump this guy on your own, you probably don't have it yourself, at least not yet.

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Jane_Says_So t1_jea49b9 wrote

Do you think he’s going to respect your boundaries as a mother? What about the children’s boundaries? This is a recipe for disaster and dysfunction. It’s already started.

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Kalaanii t1_jea4fpe wrote

I really dont doubt him being a good father idk how he would treat me but I hope if someone mothers their child theyd be respectful

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Hal_Jordan55 t1_jea4nzl wrote

what evidence do you have of that? You've been dating for 6 months and most of it is just sex, you don't know this person at all.

If he wants you to mother his child, he should be respectful, and clearly he is not.

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Kalaanii t1_jea4u0k wrote

He has a lot of wisdom and he’s super caring and nurturing like w/ his family members and me too

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Hal_Jordan55 t1_jea553s wrote

Your entire post is proof that isn't true. You clearly are not mature enough for a child.

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Deedogg1304 t1_jea95z6 wrote

I tnink you are a troll but for shits and giggles... why do you say he hasntbhad a normal life of a 36 year old man?

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Kalaanii t1_jea9co2 wrote

Been to prison for a while and had to take care of family members for years even in his 20s

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Jane_Says_So t1_jea8ytd wrote

This is not a substitute for respect. That’s not “super caring and nurturing”.

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Jayybirdd22 t1_jea4r1y wrote

He’s not respecting you now. Why do you think he’ll start respecting you just because you had his kids?

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Jane_Says_So t1_jea4som wrote

He’s showing you who he is. Believe him. If he doesn’t respect your boundaries, why do you think he’d respect the children’s? He can’t be a good father and be disrespectful to their mother. It just doesn’t work. This is not a person I’d ever have kids with.

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JaayJaay1970 t1_jeaf9fb wrote

You are still in high school. What are you doing dating someone your parents’s age? There are plenty of women who can give him a child before 40. Stop this madness and use protection.

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Kaiser93 t1_jea1a8o wrote

Hun, the longevity of sex is not your biggest problem here.

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Ok-fifi-78 t1_jea1o8e wrote

Why is this problematic age gap posts getting more frequent??

Why are all the 30 - 50 yo dudes going after teenagers?

WHAT IS GOING ON??

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ManicPixieDreamGoth t1_jea2wq2 wrote

I personally think they’re troll posts

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SleepDangerous1074 t1_jea3s8x wrote

For my own sanity I hope they are trolls. Otherwise we have a pandemic of teens in relationships with middle aged people. And I just can’t handle another pandemic

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Kalaanii t1_jea548x wrote

Well to be fair he did lie about his age at first I thought he was 26 (he looks 26) so it wasn’t intentional

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HatsAndTopcoats t1_jea212n wrote

Everything about this is horrifying. If you're telling the truth, then you should realize that your "relationship" situation is so awful, on so many levels, that it's very hard to believe it's real.

Please stop seeing this old man who rapes you*, insults you, treats you like garbage, and is trying to trap you with a pregnancy

*Even if you consent to start having sex with him, it becomes rape when he knows that you are unhappy and want to stop and he continues anyway.

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Kalaanii t1_jea34nq wrote

We had another incident where it seemed kinda rapey but he flipped out when I said it was but i dont think he intends to hurt me he just goes for an hour but he does acknowledge I start drying up and like I’m not into it anymore so it’s a weird thing to think about

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HatsAndTopcoats t1_jea3ok2 wrote

Please stop seeing this old man who rapes you, insults you, treats you like garbage, and is trying to trap you with a pregnancy

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hisimpendingbaldness t1_jea0fmv wrote

Dating dad never works out. You are a child to him and are treated as such

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PennyMarie27 t1_jear2fk wrote

“Dating dad never works out” This is great and so, so true

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_jea0w3k wrote

Troll better. A 3YO acct and no comments in all that time and only this post? Methinks you delete things. Nothing about this seems real. If it is, you need therapy.

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Kalaanii t1_jea11ks wrote

Not a troll acc unfortunately & have all proof to back everything up but maybe I do need therapt

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Nurgle_Marine_Sharts t1_jea2qq4 wrote

How tf does an 18 year old even end up getting in bed with a 37 year old

Like what possessed you

As far as advice goes, you shouldn't even be with this person in the first place, get out.

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LhasaApsoSmile t1_jea1tsl wrote

This is sexual assault. If you say stop and he doesn't, it's assault. You need to stop seeing this person immediately.

A 37yo man has no business being with an 18 yo. He's with you because you are young and naive and can be persuaded that this is normal. A woman closer to his age would never take this abuse from someone. He's abusive. He says he wants a baby so that he can trap you and sell you on the idea that you'll be a family for ever.

I assume your parents don't know about this guy. If you trust them, tell them about this guy.

In any event, please refrain from dating anyone over 21 at this point. Better - no dating until you figure out how you got yourself in this situation and why your self esteem is not stronger.

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scrollgirl24 t1_jea1unq wrote

You probably won't understand until you're older, because I didn't when I was 18, but this is not a good situation for you. For a whole lot of reasons. Show this post to an adult you trust, your parents or a teacher or a cool aunt or whoever. A man 20 years your senior having sex with you until you cry while you're still in high school is really really scary, I hope you can see that reading this post back.

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AlpacaMyShit t1_jea2nqd wrote

Please do not have a baby with this man. He's not treating you right and that will not get better with a baby involved.

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pancho_2504 t1_jea409e wrote

He's old enough to be your dad. You still have a curfew. He's using you as a cock sleeve that's why he doesn't respect your boundaries. He doesn't care enough to make the effort he just wants to get some, when he wants. Sorry to be harsh but he's dating you because you're naive enough to put up with his shit and young enough to fulfill his desires.

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Hal_Jordan55 t1_jea43ve wrote

The definition of "partner" has really changed over the years.

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Chaoticgood790 t1_jea4rnb wrote

I can’t get over how dumb these posts are. Thank goodness me being stupid at 18 was going to frat parties and being hungover

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Kalaanii t1_jea4yyl wrote

I used to do weird crazy shit drunk when I was younger now Im over it

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Chaoticgood790 t1_jea529r wrote

You’re 18. Please stop acting like you’re grown or something

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Kalaanii t1_jea5780 wrote

Not grown just did my fair share of dumb shit I just wanna settle down young and have a family

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tinkertots1287 t1_jea5l93 wrote

Then find a 20 year old guy to do that with. Not someone the age of your father that’s using you for sex.

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Kalaanii t1_jea60go wrote

The thing is I’ll bring up him using me for sex and he completely flips out and says I’m not and “if he’s using me for sex I am too” which def isn’t the case because I’ve asked him multiple times to hang out without sex but I feel like people saying it is kinda just proof I’m not crazy or delusional for feeling used

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tinkertots1287 t1_jea68jc wrote

A 37 year old man will never be interested in you beyond sex. You’re a teenager. And if they are interested, it means they never grew up and have the mentality of a teenager in an old man’s body which is even worse. This is not a man who you want to settle down with. Just leave him.

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Kalaanii t1_jea6jvv wrote

But it doesn’t make sense how we have such long conversations on the phone like hours and we get along so well even irl it’s just that it feels like he’s using me which upsets me & he had life experiences which kinda made him not mature as much so that’s something I can accept and be understanding of

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tinkertots1287 t1_jea70us wrote

He’s using you for sex and company, there’s no way around it. Up to you if you want to be in that kind of relationship.

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Chaoticgood790 t1_jea7l7w wrote

Okay good luck with raising a man child and an actual child. We look forward to the next post about how he does nothing and you’re basically a single parent

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Chaoticgood790 t1_jea7g2v wrote

I mean he’s using you. He’s not going to admit it. But no dude older than me wants anything to do with a teenager. At least no dude that isn’t a walking red flag

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Hal_Jordan55 t1_jea8l3g wrote

He clearly doesn’t want to hang out with you without sex. You’re worth more than that to a person, show yourself that

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IzlandBreeze t1_jea628s wrote

Oh honey. Please want more for yourself than a way too old for you guy who lied to you and who uses you as a sex doll. Do not throw your life away for this loser. There’s a reason he can’t get women his own age. You should value and respect yourself more. If you don’t, I promise you that you will one day look back to this point in time and be full of regret for making the wrong choice.

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Jayybirdd22 t1_jea3fii wrote

The f***….. girl how have you not seen the other thousands of posts about young girls and older men? Have you not read other posts and come to realize that the types of relationships are not healthy?

And how the hell are your parents okay with this?

Go be a young adult - hang out with friends and focus on yourself and making sure you are able to support yourself so you don’t get stuck in crappy relationship because.

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Kalaanii t1_jea4101 wrote

My parents would murder me if they found out and I really can’t even live like a “normal” young adult lifestyle bc of my parents

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Jayybirdd22 t1_jea4h2n wrote

You’re still in high school! Your parents are still trying to parent you and make sure you’re being smart.

And right now, you are not being smart. You are risking your future, your education, everything, on being with a man who is old enough to have fathered you.

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epiix33 t1_jea6ue3 wrote

You are being groomed and he is a creep. Leave asap. No normal 37 yo would be like: „yup I wanna date a child!“ (yes you are an adult legally but when I was 18 I was definitely not an adult)

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SnooStrawberries8563 t1_jeacc4r wrote

Having a child with this person will be the biggest mistake of your entire life.

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mak-ina-myn t1_jea3in5 wrote

Sooooo - what’s your home life like? How do your parents treat you? Ever been verbally or physically abused or assaulted? Please don’t get pregnant.

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Kalaanii t1_jea3tsj wrote

My parents are okay they give me everything I need and I guess in hindsight they’re good parents just a little abusive at times physically and verbally and just very religious

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mak-ina-myn t1_jeaa5z8 wrote

I could have wrote that response for you when I read your original post, you are text book trauma induced and getting yourself signed up for more abuse and grooming. Please do some research about these types of traumas and work towards a healthier life path for yourself. This “partner” is not the answer. Nor is a baby at 18.

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tiredandshort t1_jeaf1kw wrote

I mean this from the bottom of my heart, this is so so bad. I see you defending him in the comments, yet your own intuition is telling you something is wrong. If you don’t believe the commenters, why don’t you believe your own gut?

Please don’t have a baby with him. I promise you it’ll be the biggest regret of your life. If you have a baby, I promise you in 5 years you will think back to this exact comment and think fuck she was right

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drinkables5214 t1_jeahjfp wrote

You are being groomed. He was 19 when you were born. And you are still younger than that. Please leave him and do not trap yourself into a relationship with him just because you want a kid young. You’ll only be hurting yourself and that kid.

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Professional_Lime936 t1_jeanl8w wrote

Please please leave this man. Its horrendously abusive. The ONLY reason a 37 year old would want to be in a relationship with an 18 year old is control.

I'm 37f and I went to a bar a couple of weeks ago, I looked around and thought 'my goodness, this place is full of kids'. Adults do not generally want to hang out with teenagers, especially ones young enough to be their kid.

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