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blazingdonut2769 t1_jeeq8nw wrote

Nah this guy sucks.

First of all - premature ejaculation can be annoying but it isn’t too hard to work around. You can always wait like 10 min and have sex again! Or ask him to jerk off a bit before sex.

But the biggest issue here isn’t that - it’s the way he reacted when he brought up legitimate issues. There’s nothing he can do about oral sex? That’s bullshit! Tell him exactly what feels good and ask him to do it. If you don’t know, google it! Plenty of websites with advice. If he can’t do that he’s selfish plain and simple.

And the solutions you propose he shoots down because he’s insecure. This is not someone you want to date! He is ignoring your needs and desires and he is very selfish! He cares more abt his fragile ego than making sure sex is good for you.

You can’t be in a sexual relationship and have a complex about sex that includes being unable to ever talk about sex. That is insane.

If he doesn’t change its time to move on. Your fears are so valid! You should get out there and explore! You shouldn’t necessarily marry the first person you have sex with!

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Gosc101 t1_jeestt2 wrote

This the advice you should listen to OP. He isn't as good partner as you think, if he is fine compromising your happiness for his ego.

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Levina21 t1_jeeul0o wrote

Thank you for your advice. I am sorry for being unclear about one thing : what he meant by that he cannot do anything about it was rather about his PE problem than his oral sex skills.

He tries to accomodate my wishes and needs regarding oral sex and other kinds of foreplay but I simply do not find it that great. The only option we have(I think) is for me to let him practice it on me (which is what I've done for the past 5 years, and yes,I gave him feedbacks during and after the act), but having to endure bad oral sex until he gets better is..well..

At least he is trying in some parts and I appreciate it, but it is just objectively not enough. I thought it would be cruel of me to blame/leave him for something he did put effort in but ended up being bad anyway

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_jeeq6lb wrote

Life is too short to accept mediocre to bad sex. It’s such bullshit that so many young women especially feel like sex is for their partner, not for them, and just accept this inequitable nonsense. I had shitty sex like that where I was basically a human flesh light and my pleasure didn’t matter til I finally dated someone with some skill who cared about my pleasure too. Since then? I’ve still had some mediocre sex but even with a partner who was really trying? I ended things since we couldn’t get aligned in the bedroom.

Your partner isn’t even trying. At all. He’s insecure (no toys? What? He might like them too!), he won’t see a doctor or therapist for his SEXUAL DYSFUNCTION, he won’t pleasure you and doesn’t care about your pleasure.

Girl? If I (44F) could go back and tell my 16-25 YO self to DTMFA for the shitty sex, I would. So telling you—it’s okay to want to be sexually compatible.

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Rudy_Trollbert t1_jeet492 wrote

Lol, 35M here who stayed in a marriage for 10 years where we had sex a total of 6 times, I can confirm this. Just get out of it.

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DameLizardville t1_jeeqyup wrote

You are allowed to want better sex and his defeatist, lazy, selfish, and jealous, attitude to his issues says that he doesn’t care about your pleasure at all. At your age, you should be having lots of wonderful sex and working out what is good for you but I’m afraid you are never going to get that with this man, not because he can’t, but because he couldn’t be bothered enough about your pleasure to try. He is unlikely to change with marriage.

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Levina21 t1_jef2f6g wrote

Thank you all for your advice. I will ponder upon what you guys have said. I wrote this out of frustration while my boyfriend was sleeping. Now that he is awake I fear he might read this by chance and feel hurt. I will talk about this in a more serious manner with him. Thank you again and I wish you all a great day

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