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Vegetable-Bee-7545 t1_iuj2b8i wrote

It’s your house too. Put a lock on your phone and file for divorce. Any man who can kick you out of your own home for something this stupid means he is toxic and abusive. You deserve better.

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peakpenguins t1_iuj1qwc wrote

> I don’t need you going through my phone at 7am causing arguments for no reason.

So he has things in it that would cause arguments?

I'm not into invading your partners privacy but it's a huge red flag that he has a password on his and requires that you don't have one on yours.

Regardless, I absolutely would not stay with someone who would kick you out of the car 3 miles from home and refuse to let you back into your own house.

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plush_paradox t1_iuj3021 wrote

He does this a lot when we fight. He knows he’s all I have so whenever a situation like this happens that’s his go to.

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cawingcrowcaw t1_iuj4vw9 wrote

He does this a lot???? Dude. Your relationship sounds like it’s had more downs than up. You sound like you’re in an abusive relationship.

EDIT: AND I JUST SAW IN YOUR POST HISTORY, from a commenter that also probably had looked through your post history, that your husband gave you a black eye??

Dude. Seriously. Get out of this relationship. For your own safety and your children.

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Reasonable_Charge531 t1_iuj5bul wrote

This is called abuse. Literal domestic abuse. You and your children need to get as far from this man as possible.

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Odd_Craft3946 t1_iuj1uor wrote

Maybe he is big on privacy but his response was too extreme, That seems like abuse . In front of your kids, so you think maybe it’s time to consider the state of your marriage. Do you want your kids thinking that’s normal?

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International-Aside t1_iuj2enw wrote

The double-standard and ridiculous escalation of the situation (kicking you out of the car, telling you that you cant stay in your own home) leads me to think he is absolutely hiding stuff.

The bigger problem here is the emotional abuse. What he did should be unacceptable to you. Im now wondering in what other ways he tramples over your emotional wellbeing.

Is there a history of infidelity on either of your parts? Do you feel as though you two are a team against the world or do you feel as though its often you vs him? Do you feel supported in your relationship?

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plush_paradox t1_iuj3p4r wrote

Yeah… his reaction definitely made me suspect that there’s more going on. Like if you’re not hiding anything then what’s the fight for? Yeah there has been infidelity on his part. I don’t feel as he is my partner. He supports me financially but mentally…. no.

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International-Aside t1_iuj4cnr wrote

Sorry OP, you already know what everyone is going to say. He's hiding something and your marriage is unhealthy. I think you should start thinking about whether this is the kind of relationship you want modeled for your children and what your exit plan may look like.

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plush_paradox t1_iuj4krz wrote

It’s very unhealthy. that’s part of the reason I didn’t put up a fight to get out of the vehicle. I wasn’t trying to have more problems but I did not successfully do that lol

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International-Aside t1_iuj57zm wrote

I get that but unless you literally have no choice i.e. live somewhere where your kids will be taken away from you if you leave, he can legally abuse you etc, then you need to leave him. Yeah, it'd be real fucking hard at first but do you really want to spend the rest of your life being completely subservient to him? Do you want to walk around on eggshells forever?

I urge you to contact a local or national abuse hotline/agency for guidance and support as well as to a divorce lawyer if you have access. Many will have a free consultation

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plush_paradox t1_iuj5ec0 wrote

I could go to a woman’s shelter. my parents left my sibling and I when we were young so i don’t have a great support system. He does though, and knows he’s mine, he takes full advantage.

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International-Aside t1_iuj8215 wrote

Dont say anything to him yet. Get away from him for a bit if you can. Contact the shelter, tell them the situation as well as background history, ask for help with a safety plan for you and your kids to leave. They will help coordinate the safest option possible for you/your kids. Erase any web searches for the shelter, call log, etc but dont clear everything, just the stuff relevant to you getting help so that he doesnt become suspicious if he checks your phone.

If he knows about your reddit acct, delete everything from your post and comment history. I suggest creating an alt that has no identifiable info and log out each time you use it. Abusers often become the most dangerous when they feel their control over their victims starting to slip. Please be careful!

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plush_paradox t1_iuj910o wrote

Im not going to say anything, Im going to try to talk to him as little as possible. Thank you a lot for giving that information, I’m gonna sit down and write a plan down now. That’s another thing i won’t miss…. I won’t miss being made to feel useless because im a stay at home mom who doesn’t bring in any income. He likes to make those remarks too, “You live for free with me.” he says. lol

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International-Aside t1_iujgrk5 wrote

Just dont leave anything where he may find it. If you need to write it down to organize your thoughts, I suggest destroying it immediately or using code to make it look like a grocery list or something.

You're not worthless. You dont live with him for free. You're raising his children and im sure doing all the housework. Unpaid labor is still labor and he's a POS for not acknowledging that.

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Reasonable_Charge531 t1_iuj3agr wrote

"Take the lock off your phone."
"Okay. Now will you take the lock off yours?"
"No. In fact, get out of my car! Kids, your mother isn't sleeping in our house tonight!"

If this is a real post, you need to contact a divorce lawyer ASAP. You could've been killed after he dropped you off 3 miles from home.

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ChickieD t1_iuj2ga9 wrote

Well, now what will you do?

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plush_paradox t1_iuj3ux8 wrote

Well I’m going back home. He also does this thing a couple times before where he tries to send his family over to make me leave. theyre middle eastern, they definitely do things entirely different .

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ChickieD t1_iujl5hv wrote

I worry about your safety and that of your children.

This must not be the only way he is abusive.

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UsuallyWrite2 t1_iuj2nqa wrote

His reaction is abusive behavior and he did it in front of your kids. Is this typical? He just dumps you on the side of the road and kicks you out of the house whenever he’s challenged?

I think it’s absolute bullshit to share PW/access to phones. It’s a security issue (id literally be fired if I gave someone access to my phone and thus my work email). It’s also a breach of privacy for anyone else you talk to who thinks the messages are between themselves and one other person.

To me, people who insist on having access to their partner’s phones are insecure and controlling.

But kick someone out of a vehicle for asking? That’s crazy town.

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oiler1996 t1_iuj3dew wrote

What trust issues are their in your relationship, you have made previous posts but deleted them so whats the trust issue? One of the comments on your "i messed up" post included that you had hidden chats with men, infidelity and a tinder account, whats that about? Also why are you with someone who one you dont trust and two treats you this way? you dont deserve to be treated like this and you have known for a while you should leave him.

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ScrubbyAnt t1_iuj4oy1 wrote

Check out loveisrespect.org. I think it may help put your relationship into perspective. Leaving you by the side of the road is not normal healthy behavior.

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After_Television_258 t1_iuj5r92 wrote

You clearly have trust issues and you should, you posted your ass and tits on reddit already this week, so their is clearly signs that their is some cheating, best to break up now

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followyourvalues t1_iuj1vz2 wrote

Why did you exit the vehicle?

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plush_paradox t1_iuj3635 wrote

It’s not “whack” it’s my life. Why did i exit? to prevent a scene in public.

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followyourvalues t1_iuj3bja wrote

It isn't public if it is in the car? If you weren't afraid he'd hurt you, why would you let him bully you in front of your kids?

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followyourvalues t1_iuj3fqs wrote

The only way this scenario is not whack is if your relationship is wholly abusive and you don't recognize it.

If it isn't, just put a lock on your phone and stop doing what he tells you to do. There is a clear lack of mutual respect. So why do what he asks if he can't return the favor?

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plush_paradox t1_iuj3yfr wrote

I’ve decided starting today my phone will be just as his is. Locked.

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followyourvalues t1_iuj4y7r wrote

Good! I hope things improve, one way or another for you and yours.

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plush_paradox t1_iuj5hox wrote

thank you! I hope so too. I just hope I can hangout with my kids in peace tonight

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[deleted] OP t1_iuj3n0b wrote

Multiple red flags here. He shouldn’t be asking you to leave the car, you shouldn’t have gotten out, he can’t kick you out of your own home, and your password sharing obsession is weird.

Couples counseling.

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