Submitted by Practiccount t3_yio8rk in relationship_advice
Practiccount OP t1_iujmoqz wrote
Reply to comment by PixieOnAcid in should I tell my girlfriend that her parents had lunch with me? by Practiccount
i agree and ill be talking to her after work. her parents are really involved with her they literally have a room in our house for when one if not both come over
darodori t1_iujtb7h wrote
Is that because she has problems setting boundaries with them or because this is something both of you want?
From this conversation with them alone, you two (just her and you, not her parents involved) should talk about boundaries. This is a wonderful moment to look into your future and make decisions about it now.
Practiccount OP t1_iujttih wrote
she is very attached to her parents. last year we couldnt go on vacation unless i shelled out for 2 more tickets for them to fly with us as well. ive asked her to try and ween off them which she says she has i just havent really seen it. i managed to get lucky and become independent from a young age.
darodori t1_iuju7xs wrote
Before proposing would be a great time to find out how involved she thinks they should be in your relationship, and if that’s how you see your future, and if this is the kind of discussions you’re ok with going forward.
BisquickNinja t1_iuk4lvl wrote
I can tell you from experience that this behavior won't get any better with age. They will push both you and her to have a baby as soon as possible. They don't care about you, they don't care about the baby, they care about how you make them look. How the baby makes them look.
darodori t1_iuk7snm wrote
The behavior I was thinking that wasn’t going to get better was hers. She insists that he pay for their (parents) vacation, she has a room set aside for them, she says she’ll work on it but no progress has been made. I don’t think she’s changing either.
greyno02 t1_iujvawt wrote
You didn't get lucky you are normal. What is NOT normal is not being able to go on holiday without mummy and daddy when she's almost 30. Are you really happy to never have a holiday without them? Do you think this will change once you're married? She needs to learn to set some boundaries.
Practiccount OP t1_iujvux2 wrote
based on what ive read most people in my age range cant afford a house in the current market thats why i said im lucky. and yes this has been a issue ive brought up with her before and she says she working on it i just dont see much progress but im trying my best to be supportive.
juliaskig t1_iuk4fxn wrote
Sorry, but you have a baby woman. That's why her parents sat you down, and decided they and you, should determine your wife's fate.
She has broken off from them, and there are four people in your relationship.
Neonpinx t1_iuk04kq wrote
Tell her the truth about her parents. You would be foolish to get married and have kids with someone this attached and controlled by parents who see her as a baby incubator who doesn’t have the right to her body autonomy.
CrazyOldWoman99 t1_iujvl6b wrote
If sharing their horrific comment with her doesn't accelerate that process of developing an appropriate distance with her parents, nothing will. That comment is worthy of no contact imho.
Villanellexbian t1_iuk1zlr wrote
absolutely refusing to go on a couples vacation without the company of her parents is one can of worms, but am I understanding you correctly that she also demanded you pay for them to attend?? If she wanted them there so badly, why didn't she offer to pay for their tickets, or better yet, have her parents pay for their own dang vacation? Unless there's a substantial income difference where you make significantly more than everyone in her family and can easily afford to fund a vacation for 4 grown adults without a dent to your finances, I don't get why you would agree to such an unfairly balanced situation?
Practiccount OP t1_iuk73si wrote
yes the difference between what i make and her parents make is really differnt and i make enough to where i wouldnt say it dosent make a dent but after a few months it would even out
Kitchen-Pop7308 t1_iuka5mo wrote
Tf ? She wanted her parents to come and YOU had to pay ??
Extreme-Performer-30 t1_iukbi33 wrote
No one else noticed how they’re exploiting him
Neonpinx t1_iujzwju wrote
Major red flags that she is that attached to her disrespectful parents who see her as a baby incubator. She needs to hear the truth and start seeing them for the selfish creeps that they are.
MrsRoronoaZoro t1_iuk8z1s wrote
Huge red flag. Don’t propose. The in laws will be way too involved in your married life.
Neonpinx t1_iujzocy wrote
These abusers should no longer be allowed in your home not should they have a key to your home as they will sabotage any birthcontrol. These lunatics are not to be trusted.
Ornery_Adult t1_iujw1ha wrote
Assume all your condoms are compromised.
AnotherPalePianist t1_iuk2p5q wrote
First thought when I read this—and they have access to their house?? Replace the whole box, make sure they haven’t tampered with your GF’s birth control if she’s on it, etc.
Eyupmeduck1989 t1_iukbzqn wrote
If they want grandchildren that badly and are recommending you sabotage birth control, I’d be very wary about having them stay in your house. They might tamper with any birth control themselves. Could you potentially get a long acting reversible method of contraception (implant, IUD) that they can’t mess with?
phaedrusinexile t1_iuk892a wrote
...so...maybe keep the condoms locked up if they have access to your house... Or treat it like a drink in a club, only trust it's safe if it never left your sight.
OGrouchNZ t1_iukaq6h wrote
Yeah. You need to tell her. They may tamper with any birth control when staying or vacationing with you.
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