> toxicity including verbal, emotion and physical abuse

Just get out. Please, please just find a way to get out of this relationship safely.

> If we change, I would love to stay together.

You've dealt with this for 4 years, he is not going to change.

I'm so sorry you've been going through this. This is not normal, this should not be tolerated. Get away from your abuser, that's what he is, he is nto a boyfriend. He is an abuser.