We have been together for a little over 3 years and lived together for 2 years. I currently work 50+ hours a week and hold two jobs. I have been the only one working since we moved in together, she did have a job before that but left due to mental health issues. Since then, she has refused to get a job saying things like "I'm not ready yet" or "I'll try to get one this month". We have discussed this many times over and I'm tired of having to struggle with everything alone.

She also refuses to help clean our apartment saying things like "But i do the laundry" even though she only does it once every 2 weeks. It's the only thing she does. She even refuses to cook too! She will have me order food for dinner almost every day. Even I cook for us occasionally.

Look i get that mental health can be hard to deal with and I am always there to support her when she has her bad days. But she has been taking medication and going to therapy weekly for almost a year now and it's still a conversation we have from time to time.

I am just wondering if i decided to settle down too early. I'm with someone who can't even support me as much as i support them and it's getting harder to deal with every day.

TL; DR: Girlfriends doesn't cook, clean, and cook. I feel like I live alone.

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HandGunslinger t1_iujutxf wrote on October 31, 2022 at 9:44 PM

It's time for you to sit her down and have The Talk. During The Talk, you should outline all the hours you work, the fact that she's not even attempting to find a job, and the fact that she doesn't work means that she has plenty of time to do ALL the household chores, and that henceforward that was exactly what you were expecting of her, no excuses, period. If she's defiant about the situation, you should invite her absence. Enough is enough. Be part of the team, or be part of the trash. Trash gets thrown out.

'Nuff said.

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Perfect_Delivery_509 t1_iuj7t8l wrote on October 31, 2022 at 7:05 PM

Moving in together is all about finding out if you can stand living with a person, as you have you found out she it not the one for you. This is why many people agree it better to move in for a time prior to getting married. With that being said a 20 year old woman who does nothing but Netflix and Instagram at home all day, isn't going anywhere it seems, enjoy your early 20s and date around find what you want in a partner. Good luck

glass_of_green t1_iujgjp0 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 8:04 PM

Break up and run dude. Try to move out.

StarDatAssinum t1_iujiphz wrote on October 31, 2022 at 8:19 PM

She's using her mental health issues as a crutch at this point to not contribute to the household you BOTH are living in. Something's gotta give with her - either she steps up and assumes more of the household chores, or she gets a job so you don't have to work two jobs. That's it. Your relationship will not be able to continue on the way it has been, it's not fair or sustainable to you.

You need to have a serious conversation with her to discuss all of these things, and make it known what your intentions are if she doesn't follow through. I would assume that means to break up, but it could be that you move out and live on your own without her, or that her budget for whatever she spends money on drastically decreases. But, whatever you decide to do, be firm and stick to your guns, otherwise she'll keep stringing you along like she has.

Underworld_Denizen t1_iujj3on wrote on October 31, 2022 at 8:21 PM

It's time to dump her dude. She's not your girlfriend, she's a leech.