Japanese girlfriend (26f) won't say "Good Morning" in English to me (30m).

Submitted by ConfusedThrowaway830 t3_yipwk5 in relationship_advice

I'm American/30m and speak Japanese. My girlfriend of 3 years is Japanese/26f and speaks English.

In our relationship, I generally speak both languages, but she uses Japanese exclusively. In the past, I have asked her why not speak English with me sometimes, but she just said she prefers not to.

The other day, I asked her if she wouldn't even say "good morning" to me occasionally, and she got really, really upset. She said she's just not that comfortable speaking foreign languages to begin with and was upset that I kept asking her to.

But at her now job, she has repeatedly said she's excited to learn some set phrases in Chinese (like "good morning") to score points with some Chinese clients whose Japanese is rusty.

I'm just trying to understand why, when it comes to us, saying "good morning" in English is just uncomfortable, and yet doing so in Chinese, a language she doesn't speak, to someone she just met at work is exciting.

Putting those two together, I feel like the problem is definitely me and I'm not sure how to fix it. Asking her to explain her preference basically ruins her day.

What's going on here? I'm so confused. Is there a kinder, more sensitive way to ask about this?

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ChocolateChouxCream t1_iujvbe7 wrote

Why would the problem be you? Those Chinese people she won't see often. She sees you all the time, it's plausible she just doesn't want to embarrass herself in front of you. does it bother you that she doesn't speak English to you ever? If so you better make that clear

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ConfusedThrowaway830 OP t1_iujvns2 wrote

She really does prefer not to get embarrassed in general. I didn't think of it this way, and it helps a lot.

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peakpenguins t1_iujvbny wrote

> I feel like the problem is definitely me and I'm not sure how to fix it.

You've given no reason to assume that... Well, other than that you've kept asking her when she made it clear she's not comfortable with it. Why is it that big of a deal?

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lemongrass426 t1_iujvwe4 wrote

have you ever heard her speak in English? maybe she's insecure about her skill and is hiding the truth from you, or feels judged by you for whatever reason. Maybe she lied and doesn't actually speak English at all

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ConfusedThrowaway830 OP t1_iujwanw wrote

She speaks English to my friends in Japan, my family on video chat, and has done translation work. Probably not the issue.

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samzimms t1_iujvdy5 wrote

Stop asking. She said she doesn't want to speak English with you. Since the two of you can communicate in Japanese, is there a problem with not using English?

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museumsplendor t1_iuk0dkc wrote

My husband's family it was this:

Only speak French in the house.

Speak English outside the house.

Her reasons my be Xenophobic.

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