My nasty secret that I managed to keep it to myself until this far is about to get discovered tomorrow. I don't know what to do.

Submitted by FewBee7489 t3_yiq95a in relationship_advice

To sum it up, major depression dragged me to hell in my first year of uni, I had full attendance, good grades in first semester, then i competely slipped away. Second semester of first year, I really pushed myself to try my best, I know it's no excuse to what I did but my absences in classes started piling up, it was just on limit to fail my classes, even if i went to classes, I wasn't mentally there. So like i said, at some point, it just competely went downhill. I already failed my main classes due to absences, which required me to repeat a year of classes. It was too late to fix that and save myself from repeating a year. I couldn't even function as a human because of my mental health, I couldn't shower, I couldn't eat, my place was a total mess.

I don't know what got into me but I just didn't want to disappoint my family even more, so I told them I passed all classes without any problem. Of course time passed by and start of the second year came quickly. At this point lie was too big, so I went to my uni(in a different city btw), spent a whole year hanging around in dorm, pretending to going to classes whenever I talked to my family, at the end of the year, I updated my family about how my "exams" went whenever I had an exam during midterms and final week. As my program required a mandatory internship to be able to graduate, and my family knew that, I then told them that I found a company to get my internship done, I went out of home every weekday for an entire month just to make it convincing, of course spent all the time during the day just doing nothing and walking around. Got that finished anyway. At this point, lie was just way too big and out of my hands.

Whatever, you get the point, even though I really hate lying(I know this sounds ridiculous but I really do), my single lie that I told without thinking ahead turned me into compulsive liar about this subject and there isn't a single second of a day that I don't feel like a complete shit human being. The thing is, today some paperwork was required for my health insurance and the women who works there told me I don't seen as graduated in system, in front of my mom. So she contacted my uni to ask about it and they told her that I never even registered classes in second year and my studentship is on passive status. I acted clueless and told her maybe it was some sort of system glitch/error in uni database. She has a friend who's very powerful and her friend will contact the uni tomorrow to clear this up.

I'm very lost about where to go from here. If I sit them down and explain it from beginning, I don't think I can handle seeing such disappointment and sadness in their eyes. Do I just check out of the world so maybe after they done grieving, they won't remember me as liar piece of shit? Do I explain to them? Do I just wait and let them find out? All options are very shit. I'm hopeless.. Thanks for reading this far, I need some serious advice asap please.

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yowen2000 t1_iujxgse wrote

You need to tell them ASAP, it will suck a lot. But it will be even worse if they find out you LET them have their friend contact the school.

As you said all options are shit, but this is the option with the most integrity on your part.

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curly_lox t1_iujy3r9 wrote

Now is the time to end the lie. Coming clean to your parents will free up so much mental space for you that you may actually have the space to restart classes.

Your parents may be disappointed, but if you explain what happened like you did here, it is likely they'll be understanding.

Best of luck to you!

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throwawayy6321 t1_iujyo0a wrote

I am sorry to hear that you are going through this. I know from my own experience that depression can be extremely debilitating.

My advice would be sitting your parents down and telling them everything. This may seem daunting, but it is the only way for you to get this off your conscience.

Please don't think about taking your life over this. Education is not more important than your life, and I am sure that your parents would be of the same view.

Please DM me if you need someone to talk to. Or just reply here.

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SmartFX2001 t1_iuk4tpp wrote

I know everything has snowballed and you don’t feel you can get out of it….

First of all, do NOT check out of the world. YOU need to be the one to tell your parents the truth - definitely do not leave it for your mother’s friend to do.

It’s going to be hard, and they will probably be upset and disappointed, but you will feel a huge weight off your shoulders. You were so burdened by the lies you were not able to move forward.

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knittedjedi t1_iuk6t2l wrote

Who was paying for your college and what's the status of the fees?

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No-Program-8185 t1_iuk72v1 wrote

Oh girl. I've been in a similar situation when my parents had to learn I dropped out of the university (not dropped out, I just started working too much and stopped attending classes) when an official document was required at some point.

What I did is I wrote them a letter, I couldn't face the live conversation. So maybe that's what you also could do. Write a letter on paper (better than a text message on a social network). However, I feel like it's best to do that BEFORE that friend starts calling the uni. Or at the same time. By the time she's called the uni and found out you haven't been there, their suspicion will strengthen and they'll be reading the letter with less approval than if you make it before that lady starts doing her thing.

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No-Program-8185 t1_iuk7orr wrote

Replying to No-Program-8185 (#412,656)

And the MOST IMPORTANT thing here is that it's not the end of the world. Seriously. The world will not crush because you've told them. And after you tell them both those things - in a letter or live, or in a text - a huge burden will be off your shoulders and your parents will get a chance to actually help you.

This may sound like something you've heard a million times but your parents actually love you. They may feel shocked but in the end, they love you and will most likely accept what happened. And I wish you get all the help you need because depression is awful. Wish you all the best in this.

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NicTri20 t1_iukaywt wrote

Tell them, if you check out, you will destroy them. Come clean face the music. You will feel better after telling and you will recover.

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