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triaxisman t1_iuj2zw6 wrote

Google defensiveness in relationships as that’s what your brother is doing. He’s trying to make it so uncomfortable for you, so you shut up and he gets his way rather than work with you to find a solution youre both comfortable with. You can’t work out problems with someone like that. It’s emotional abuse and it’s not ok.

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Confident_Emergency4 t1_iuj6ira wrote

Thank you so much for reading and guiding me I really appreciate it! Unfortunately as you said there's no way of fixing things with him so I always end up apologizing and compromising and inevitably ghosting my own boundaries. It's hell. When I was little he would convince me that I'm responsible for everybody's feelings and it's always me who's wrong and him who is right and he shockingly believes he ALWAYS apologizes.

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triaxisman t1_iuj72w9 wrote

Then I’m side eyeing your therapist. Because giving someone like that a letter won’t help. Consider looking for a therapist that specializes in helping people recover from and deal with emotional abuse, specifically gaslighting and narcissistic abuse. What you describe is extremely toxic, doubly so having grown up being treated that way. If I may ask, what are you seeing the therapist for and what type of treatment are they providing, cbt, talk therapy, meds?

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Confident_Emergency4 t1_iuj7rad wrote

I started seeing her upon having a fight with my father. And my obsession with my mother where I was constantly furious with her. We mainly do talk therapy and theraphy helped me learn about emotions and got me addicted to meditating. But sometimes I question her too.

All throughout my education I always found manipulative friends wherever I went. It's like I'm a trouble magnet

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triaxisman t1_iuj8yjj wrote

It’s good you’ve been learning about emotions but considering what you’ve shared and how you’ve been treated you probably would benefit from learning how to set boundaries, how to resolve conflict in healthy ways, how to recognize and avoid abusive or untrustworthy people, how to trust in a healthy way, and how to make sure you’re trustworthy as well as it doesn’t sound like your family has been great at teaching you those things.

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Confident_Emergency4 t1_iuj9dnv wrote

Actually I have been feeling lacking in those areas too and will demand my therapist that we work on strengthening these areas. Thank you soooo much for calling me out<33333333 and I have been reading on defensiveness for the past 20 minutes

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triaxisman t1_iuj9u3w wrote

Read up on gaslighting and it’s impact too. It’s an especially toxic form of defensiveness that can really mess you up long term. And it sounds like your brother does that to you.

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Confident_Emergency4 t1_iujdcqv wrote

Heard about gaslighting and it made me think he might be manipulative. Btw my therapist asked me if there could be a reason why this incident made me so agitated and hinted at me being lonely and jealous of them. Then guided me to reveal my feelings in front of my brother in my letter. I knew he'd use it against me which is why I'm always masking my vulnerabilities near him. He did use my jealousy to further blame me on the subject and so I'm low key mad at the therapist

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triaxisman t1_iujege5 wrote

Yep, you sharing your vulnerable feelings is a good idea, but not with someone who uses that against you. I mean it might be good to work out why you were bother by him and his gf, but I don’t think it’s a good idea to do that with him since he reacts so poorly.

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