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slvstrChung t1_iujmj2e wrote

The two of you agree on everything the two of you find important.

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UnhappyOldMan t1_iujoyrk wrote

I've found most people never know because they never become who they themselves should be. Means they don't map their own values structure.

Hard to know what we should blend with if we don't know what drives our sense of meaning and how to take control of one's own path to meaning.

Spoiler: meaning is the only thing in life that can mitigate suffering or make it feel irrelevant.

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_lmmk_ t1_iujmxld wrote

For me it’s honesty, respect, communication, and a sense of humor.

And please agree on topics like long term finance goals and kids before you make it official.

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RESPECTiit t1_iujng4o wrote

Husband =

-views you as his partner.

-A desire to be with you.

-He is trustworthy.

-Talking about the future.

-He makes you laugh.

-You share core values.

-He makes your relationship a priority.

1

WoodsFinder t1_iujnixj wrote

You have to be the one that decides what's most important to you because that could be different than what someone else wants, but I think it would be a good idea to look for someone that

- you can communicate well with (meaning he both listens to you and talks to you)

- respects you

- is responsible

- is willing to compromise (which doesn't mean always doing exactly what you want, but does mean not always insisting in exactly what he wants)

- is both willing and able to satisfy whatever your top two love languages are.

With that core set of qualities, and assuming you do the same for him, I think your odds of success are pretty good. There might be other specific things that are important to you though that you would also want to look for.

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SalvageProbe t1_iujo30r wrote

Rich, submissive and not too smart.

1

mwise003 t1_iujo8s5 wrote

I think the lists so far are pretty good... I'd only add....

  1. Ambitious
  2. Respects others (nice to wait staff etc...)
  3. Nice to animals
  4. Can cook, clean, doesn't NEED a woman, but wants one.
  5. Takes care of himself physically
  6. Doesn't drink to excess and when he does drink, doesn't become a different person.
  7. Honest. faithful, protective...
  8. Doesn't question your whereabouts 24/7, basically insecure.
  9. Same views on raising or not raising a family, disciplining kids etc...
  10. Isn't easy to anger, isn't always grumpy, positive outlook on life.

Just off the top of my head...

1

hi_throwaway123 t1_iujoae3 wrote

The real lion in your path right now is that you don't trust yourself, and your own conclusions. That said, here is a partial list of things you might look for:

  1. Does he care not only for you, but for others generally - his parents, his siblings (if any) - and others. Does he hope that people throughout the world are happy? Does he try to help those who are less fortunate? >

  2. Is he a giving person not only to you but to others? (ie, not selfish with his time, money, and so on.) >

  3. Is he responsible in an adult way? In other words, if he has a job, that's a start. If he's financially stable, does he take care of those he's financially responsible for (if he had kids, or maybe he has disabled parents who need a little money help from him, etc.). Or does he only have a job to satisfy his own hobbies like alcohol, video games, and so forth.

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throwaway-a0 t1_iujsofu wrote

Are you at similar stages of your life? And are you on the same page or have compatible views about:

  • Financials
  • Kids
  • Religion
  • Sex
  • Relationship boundaries
  • Distribution of household chores

Disagreement about financials is a top reason for divorce.

Possibly important depending on circumstances:

  • Pets
  • Getting along with each other's family and friends
  • How to balance common and separate hobbies/activities/etc.
  • Politics
  • Privacy
  • Diet
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PantsHere t1_iujt6lp wrote

Compatible values Most people don’t take the time to consider their own values… until they bump into something they don’t like. Find a values quiz online to understand what’s important to you personally and to understand the other’s values as well. Have long conversations about them…

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