I was on a skiing trip about a year ago when a skydiver landed right next to me. We exchanged numbers because I had taken a video of him landing and we started texted.

Turns out, he‘s married, father of two boys- same age as my kids. His wife had cheated on him multiple times and he was in a very bad state. I was going through a crisis myself and we both really needed and appreciated each other. It was clear for both of us that nothing romantic was happening, we were both too hung up on our spouses and emotionally completely drained. Additionally, we just wouldn’t be a good fit. But: we have started calling eachother best friends and are able to share our deepest fears and problems with each other.

I absolutely thought the best of him. He is very empathic, in a way I have never known men to be. Thoughtful, considerate and incredibly sensitive. He can tell by my voice how I am feeling and always finds the right words to help me. I value his opinion on everything, parenting, life choices, and he helps me putting things in perspective or being more patient.

His wife left him for one of her affairs, he eventually moved out. A few weeks ago, he told me he met some one and I was completely happy, hoping he‘s with a girl who knows his worth and treats him well. He shared „endless nights of not sleeping“ with me, and that it just feels good to be with her. I knew when he last had sex, so yeah for him.

Well, he recently texted me his thoughts on the relationship, that it can’t be longterm because of their different situations and finally reveals: girl is 25. She is 17 years younger than him. That absolutely threw me off, I don’t know what to think now.

Does it say anything about a 42 year old hooking up with a girl so young? Should I re-evaluate my high opinion of him? I am very confused. We‘re both from Europe and I guess a bit more relaxed about age difference but this is a lot.

TL;DR the title pretty much

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#410,422

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ereignishorizont666 t1_iuk3ldo wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:52 PM

#410,669

If she knows it's not long term, I don't see the issue. Both adults.

Sphinx_1985 t1_iuk3od6 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:53 PM

#410,720

That's more common than one thinks. If a man is capable of dating much younger, he will...and shouldn't be judged for the ability or desire to do so.

I was married to someone 13 years younger than me and it lasted a very long time and was genuine. I spoke very sternly to "friends" that wanted to judge me for it.

supasta83 t1_iuk3pnp wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:53 PM

#410,744

If the question is do you judge your friend, I'd say sure, but wait to see if he's just rebounding there or going to get comfortable there. The other thing to weigh in is whether that effects your friendship. Personally, I'd say it wouldn't effect my friendship, but it would effect the referral I'd give to other friends interested in dating him.

Badtrainwreck t1_iuk47ep wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:57 PM

#411,039

Replying to ereignishorizont666 (#410,669)

Yes I think as much as we all can recognize how age gaps can be problematic it’s a safe bet to say once someone is 25 they are a full fledged adult and can make their own choices.

yowen2000 t1_iuk4808 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:57 PM

#411,044

It's right on the edge for me, like late-teens and early-twenties are off-limits as far as I'm concerned for relationships with large age disparities. There's just too much risk for it being manipulative, even if the older party doesn't intend it, it could happen by virtue of a massive imbalance of life and dating experience.

But yeah, ultimately I think a 25-year-old, in most cases has enough wits about them to understand what's going on.

Is his expectation that it won't be longterm, or is it hers? Or both?

cptnundrpnts2218 t1_iuk49t5 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:58 PM

#411,073

Both consenting adults. You should have zero feelings about them.

yowen2000 t1_iuk4egq wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:59 PM

#411,138

Replying to Sphinx_1985 (#410,720)

> and shouldn't be judged for the ability or desire to do so.

Viewing this as an ability is just weird.