is my relationship doomed?

Submitted by swede_16 t3_yig1du in relationship_advice

I (30F) have been in a relationship with my bf (40M) for almost 2 years. He is honestly my best friend but things are starting to become more of an issue. He has had difficulty getting and keeping a job and has worked on and off since May. I work a full-time job, part-time job, and started my PhD in August. I own our home (no mortgage due to my parent being incredibly giving but i am the only one on the title). I have paid for almost everything since he's been out of work but he continues to promise that he will get something more steady. Most of the time, he is on the TV or sleeping.. and it is getting to the point that I am feeling resentful for his lack of effort.

We talked today and he mentioned that we have different goals but really I just want things to be 50/50 and to feel like he is at least attempting to help US.. not just me and not just for bills. He has no desire to save for retirement, or vacations or anything and chalks it up to us having different priorities. When I am working all day (some days I leave at 630am and get home after 1030pm), I have to continually ask for his help with the yard, dishes, laundry, ect. He has mentioned having depression and is currently on medication but won't seek cousiling after me brining it up several times.. and I can't afford to pay for his therapy, neither can he.. please give me some perspective and if I am being unreasonable.. he has a 14 year old daughter that I absolutely love and would feel terrible for leaving her, I just don't know how much more I can continue to work myself into the ground.

Thank you in advance!!

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PixieOnAcid t1_iuifyhp wrote

He's not worth it. Absolutely not.

A 40 year old man can't keep a job, can't clean up after himself, can't help his partner with bills, refuses to get help for his mental health. He's a walking red flag and you'd be doing yourself a disservice to stay even if he has a daughter you love.

There's a reason he was single when you met him.

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swede_16 OP t1_iuj08fn wrote

You are right.. and in my heart I know it too..

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Flyinggrounded t1_iuiidj2 wrote

You have a mooching bum, if you stay with him let us know how that works out for you.

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1

1CarefulOwner-NotMe t1_iuipis0 wrote

He's 40, has nothing to show for it, doesn't work, doesn't even make up for it by helping around the house AND has a 14yo daughter he can't even provide for?

RUN WHILE YOURE STILL YOUNG!

Switch your empathy off for a second and think of yourself.

Gl op

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swede_16 OP t1_iuiqevk wrote

Thank you for the perspective!! That's what I've been feeling too..

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