FreckledAndGinger t1_iujk9as wrote on October 31, 2022 at 8:29 PM

I mean... he said he agreed but is bummed out about it. There's nothing more to do, or say about it, year after year.
He's allowed to be upset, but ultimately the routine will become second nature for him to get used to.

LittleSpice1 t1_iujow84 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 9:01 PM

But should it though? If they end up getting married, he becomes her immediate family and should have reasonable priority over her parents. I believe setting boundaries with parents/in-laws is better done sooner than later.

lalasbakery OP t1_iujuy04 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 9:45 PM

And I agree with you. I don't want him to feel like his birthday comes second ever, eventually it will come first. For now I want them to feel equally as important to me and I am having trouble juggling them in a way that makes them both feel good. It's bad enough they have to share with a major holiday.

LittleSpice1 t1_iuk3p29 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:53 PM

I also share a birthday with my FIL. Somehow this has never been an issue. Your boyfriend and your mom even have different birthdays. I don’t think you’re making him feel like both of their birthdays have the same priority because you leave his birthday early to start celebrating your mom’s birthday, which hasn’t even started by this point.

lalasbakery OP t1_iujqeny wrote on October 31, 2022 at 9:12 PM

Yikes, you're right. That's not something I want him to have to do though. Maybe I should compromise a little more and say we can go back really early on the 1st like another commenter said.