Looked at my partner's old pictures, should I confess?

Submitted by Aitathrowaway9085 t3_yiodg5 in relationship_advice

I (39m) have been with my partner (39f) for two years and we live together.

A few days we were having a bit of a domestic clear out and we found some old phones. I offered to copy the data and clear them for her and she agreed. There were some jokes about boob pictures, so I couldn't help myself and had a look at through the photos without her necessarily knowing. Some of them were slightly hidden (dick move on my part I know).

What I found was much more graphic than simple boob pictures. All except one of them predate our relationship.

I've been acting noticeably weird around her ever since (she has pointed this out). Hasn't helped that we've not been able to spend much time together for various reasons.

Should I fess up, or pretend I never saw anything?

1

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

AutoModerator t1_iujmak0 wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

OnlyFactsMatter t1_iujmo7h wrote

Pics with another guy?

1

Aitathrowaway9085 OP t1_iujne6d wrote

No, but lots of dildo and butt plug and some BDSM fetish pics

1

OnlyFactsMatter t1_iujnj22 wrote

>No, but lots of dildo and butt plug and some BDSM fetish pics

Oh, if it's not with another guy then you should be good. If the pics were for another guy it'd be tough though. Were they meant for another guy? Does she send/do kinky stuff with you?

1

Aitathrowaway9085 OP t1_iujnsoj wrote

They were all sent to another guy (or guys judging by the dick pics I found...) but before we got together.

No kinky stuff with me

1

OnlyFactsMatter t1_iujo3yj wrote

> They were all sent to another guy (or guys judging by the dick pics I found...) but before we got together. > >

Ouch. Yeah you're never going to get over that, especially since she doesn't do kinky stuff with you. Seems like you're the settle down dude.

This kind of happened to me once. So yeah this is over.

Sorry to have to tell you that.

2

NickDixon37 t1_iujo3jv wrote

>Should I fess up, or pretend I never saw anything?

Pretending you never saw anything would make sense - if you could 100% never hold it against her.

But given the reaction that you already described, the next best thing would be to tell her that you saw some pictures - and while you were kind of surprised (and a little confused). But no harm no foul. IF that's something you can honestly do.

While if you're going to hold it against her for as long as you're together - then she deserves to hear the truth - so she can decide whether or not you're worth putting up with.

1

oiler1996 t1_iujq5bn wrote

Did she send them to anyone well you were together? was she indirectly wanting to receive dick pics back and was she receiving them whem together? if it was before you dated then dont stress it. Maybe you can drop it casually or as a joke about it so it doesnt come out as ackwardly

1

Aitathrowaway9085 OP t1_iujqumj wrote

One of them is dated a couple of months after we got together, the rest all before.

1

oiler1996 t1_iujrbwj wrote

Did she send it to someone during that time or was it just for her? The ones before i wouldnt worry about that was before your relationship and isnt that big of a deal in my opinion, but the one during is odd. If anything yea talk to her say you seen them when transfering over the files and want to discuss it if she is willing, then go from their

1

Aitathrowaway9085 OP t1_iujs12b wrote

Was in the WhatsApp folder, so yeah. Could have been an old photo someone sent to her though.

1

oiler1996 t1_iujs9mm wrote

Honestly the only way to find out is to talk to her, if not then your gonna always have thoughts about this and may eventually think she is cheating, i think its better to nip this now before it grows into something much larger

1

OnlyFactsMatter t1_iuk8xe6 wrote

> The ones before i wouldnt worry about that was before your relationship and isnt that big of a deal in my opinion,

I disagree. It's not her fault obviously, but mentally I'd never get over it.

Plus, it shows her doing kinky stuff that she wouldn't do for him. So mentally, it's just a dealbreaker.

1

oiler1996 t1_iuk92wa wrote

We dont know if she refuses to do the same kinky shit with him. But i do understand how this could be a dealbreaker for some people

1

OnlyFactsMatter t1_iukamb2 wrote

> We dont know if she refuses to do the same kinky shit with him.

He confirmed it above. To me, that's an undeniable dealbreaker. Honestly I'd consider it as bad as cheating.

1

oiler1996 t1_iukawp8 wrote

Alright yea i could see that being a dealbreaker for some people, to me it shows she either doesnt trust OP with kinky shit, doesnt think she will enjoy it with him, or she has outgrown that phase of her life, but for her to have the photos still 2 years later i would agree it is a dealbreaker for me aswell.

1