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They sound like they are about 15 years old. Maybe distance is the best thing in your friendship.

You need to realize that you guys are not friends. You are making up any excuse not to go see her, and she is being totally disrespectful to you making out with her boyfriend in front of you.

Making up any excuse? Sorry, but being hospitalized for my gallbladder 7 times in the past 6 months and being a little apprehensive to expose myself to a sick person does not mean I do not care about her. I literally had to claw my way back in to my health, so yeah, I feel I have a right to be a little bit concerned. I still came.

And, yes I do find her cupcaking with him constantly disgusting, I know for a fact that she cares about me too. People are people and we make mistakes and my original question was if I am being out of line for being annoyed at the situation, not if I felt we were friends or not.

When you say they sound like they are 15 do you mean how they are all over each other? Or in another sense?

>I put my feelings aside

that was your first mistake

I thought I made the right decision… to save our friendship. I don’t mean this in a rude way, was I not supposed to be sympathetic for her feelings?

It makes sense you wouldn’t visit her while dealing with all that! Illness takes so much out of us (on top of time to heal, overwhelming emotions to deal with, need to be safe, less $ available and PTO, etc.) Some young people really don’t understand this (in my experience as being someone who has health issues while I was young).

You should talk to her about how you went out there and A. the making out with her bf/not giving you dedicated time and B. how she didn’t help with the boundary you set of him not hugging you etc!

She hasn’t taken your illness seriously at any turn it seems.

As someone with immune issues and many friends who also deal with it, our favorite phrase in this situation is "is you getting a hug worth my death?" Pointing out the legit possible end result that you have to struggle with to someone who is all up in their own happy fluffy feelings is a rough play. But you need to sometimes.

As for the making out, spray bottle. If they want to act like puppies in heat, treat them like it. Or reminding them to save space for Jesus. Or that if they want a threesome, to call your husband. Because without him knowing and giving prior consent, it's cheating.

Meaning that this does not sound like how 30 year old's should act. Her getting emotionally hysterical when you told her about your feelings regarding your immune issues, the childish making out in front of people, her not doing anything as far as making the hugging stop, etc.

She claims to have trust issues, while she literally can not be trusted to put your best interests first or stay true to her word.

You should have stood up for yourself when nothing was being done about the hugging and addressed it with your "friend" as it was happening. You needed to say "Hey, you promised me that you would make sure that is was not constantly happening to me, with his hugging. You told me that this trip was for us to spend time together, and instead I am feeling like a 3rd wheel. It seems as if you have absolutely no regard for my comfort level or care for my well being."

You’re right. I should have spoken up. I have no reason to feel uncomfortable speaking my feelings to her, but in general I usually stop myself because… well I don’t really know why. I guess I just wanted to make sure that how I was feeling wasn’t out of line. I feel sometimes I get into my head too mjxhz

> to save our friendship

What friendship?

You laid down a perfectly reasonable boundary and she responded by emotionally blackmailing you into capitulating to her demands. Then after you compromised and set additional boundaries she trampled all over those.

It doesn't sound like your "friend" respects you very much.

Perhaps she doesn’t realize that’s how I view the situation?

> I told her I felt uncomfortable being around a sick person as I have very low immune system and a few autoimmune diseases, and have been getting over a three month long recovery of a very long battle with my gallbladder

It sounds to me like you explained yourself pretty clearly, your friend probably just doesn't care.

The problem is that you weren't sympathetic to your feelings.

What is there to be confused about? You have a weakened immune system and are susceptible to illness. It's not rocket science, it's very unlikely that she didn't understand that.

You seem to be bending over backwards to avoid accepting the obvious conclusion that she prioritizes her own feelings over yours

You’re right, it is very hard for me to accept because she has done so many things for me, especially pretty recently. So I just have a hard time believing that she just doesn’t care, cause she’s shown me in different ways that she does. She was there for me when my grandma died 3 months ago, even flew out to surprise me and break me out of a depression. She’s given me a place to stay when I was nearly out of a home… I mean I could list off lots of things. She has stated that she does have a hard time understanding what it’s like for me to have my illness…

I had the same problems with my gallbladder, so I had it removed, and all the problems stopped. Any doctor who wouldn't take out your gallbladder after being hospitalized 7 times is negligent. They should have taken it out after the second time. If this has caused you to lose income you might have a malpractice case.

She doesn't care about your health. No good friend would ever ask and manipulate you into putting your health at risk to come visit. The visit could have been rescheduled for after her boyfriend is over whatever he has.

No kidding. I had gallstones 15 years ago. I was told they can treat it, but the odds are good they would return, so I decided surgery as I didn't want to go through the pain I kept having. It got so much worse the week before the surgery which showed I had made the right choice.

People are complicated. They can be caring in one instance and weirdly indifferent or hostile in another.

It’s been a long journey with my gallbladder. The pain started about 6 months ago, and each time I went to the hospital they did blood work, CT scans, MRIs and ultrasounds and it was the 6th doctor that finally listened to me that ordered a HIDA scan and showed I had low ejection fraction. The last time I went was after I was diagnosed, they just said I was having a flare up. I’m supposed to meet with a surgeon this week actually but I’m terrified. I’ve heard scary things about gallbladder removal, like diarrhea all the time and bile reflux

When I got my gallbladder out, I had a 4cm stone and it was about to rupture. After having it out, I had indigestion for about 3 weeks, and then after that nothing, I can eat whatever I want. If you were to get diarrhea after surgery, there are ways to treat it, like taking a bile salts supplement or just eating less fat in your diet.

Please don't leave yourself in pain because you are afraid of the side effects. I know it's scary, but there are ways around it if it does happen. I know when I had gallbladder attacks, they were comparable in pain to when I was in labor. You shouldn't have to endure that.