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triaxisman t1_iuhtcom wrote

Often those who cheat struggle to address conflict, boundaries, and negotiate for their needs with in a relationship. And that could still be what’s going on now, but instead of cheating youve just built up resentment. So it might be good for you to talk to a therapist to figure that out. And if your current wife is as aweful as you say, then a therapist can help you better decide how you want to handle the situation moving forward.

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[deleted] OP t1_iuhtmtd wrote

We saw a therapist and the reason she is not giving me physical attention is because I don’t make enough money. Unfortunately money is her love language. I work in finance and make very good money too.

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triaxisman t1_iuhuoic wrote

> We saw a therapist

That doesn’t mean anything. How long did you go, who decided to stop going?

> and the reason she is not giving me physical attention is because I don’t make enough money

That sounds like an exaggeration or a straw man scapegoat tactic, what were HER words she used to explain it? And none of that addresses my point as I said YOU should talk to a therapist, not as a couple, but YOU. You’re the one who seems to have the issue, cheated on the first, and can’t make it work or picked a bad one for the second. Figure YOURself out and see what to do from there.

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[deleted] OP t1_iuhvm8v wrote

100% true. I do need to figure myself out. She actually did say since she has a job that pays 175k a year I should be making more than her and admitted that is the whole reason she is not showing me affection. It’s sad but money is her love language. If it was not for our kid I would be out. But we don’t fight and I have to at least try with my kid and not let her turn out like her mother.

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triaxisman t1_iuhx54w wrote

> She actually did say since she has a job that pays 175k a year I should be making more than her and admitted that is the whole reason she is not showing me affection

So say if shes working full time AND caring for the kids AND doing housework while you’re just working? That point then wouldn’t be about money but about equity. There’s not enough context here to know what’s going on.

And you don’t stay and put up with crap, all that does is teach your kids to put up with crap. Get a divorce, joint custody, and give them 50% of their time in a happy home and therapy to address the rest. That’s better than 100% of their time in an unhappy home.

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