I Cheated and 10 years Later I Regret It Every Day

Submitted by [deleted] t3_yibpnw in relationship_advice

Ten years ago I cheated on the best thing that ever happened to me. We were just married for 2 years and I hooked up with an ex. Soon after we were divorced. Now I am married again with a kid. My current wife has not kissed me in months, last time we had sex is when we were trying for a kid 1.5 years ago, and she loves money much more than she likes me. She is the most greedy and selfish person I ever met and some of the things she says physically makes me sick.

Every day I dream of being back with my ex and actually passionately kissing someone. I hate my life and the only reason I am still with her is because of our kid together, I am trying to make sure they don’t end up as greedy and horrible as my wife. In a way I feel as if this is my punishment for destroying such a great relationship 10 years ago.

I don’t know what to do. I’m broken and it has been getting so bad lately.

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AmsterdamJimmy420 t1_iuhskj7 wrote

If you are unhappy in your relationship then leave her.

It’s simple . Being happy and poor or broke or whatever is being miserable in a relationship and if you try to say you are doing this for your kid then just stop, kids who grow up in homes like this almost always wish their parents just divorced vs fighting and hate all the time

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triaxisman t1_iuhtcom wrote

Often those who cheat struggle to address conflict, boundaries, and negotiate for their needs with in a relationship. And that could still be what’s going on now, but instead of cheating youve just built up resentment. So it might be good for you to talk to a therapist to figure that out. And if your current wife is as aweful as you say, then a therapist can help you better decide how you want to handle the situation moving forward.

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[deleted] OP t1_iuhtmtd wrote

Replying to triaxisman (#381,669)

We saw a therapist and the reason she is not giving me physical attention is because I don’t make enough money. Unfortunately money is her love language. I work in finance and make very good money too.

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robbyrandall t1_iuhtwl8 wrote

Money is her love language... Wow. It's not love

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triaxisman t1_iuhuoic wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#381,751)

> We saw a therapist

That doesn’t mean anything. How long did you go, who decided to stop going?

> and the reason she is not giving me physical attention is because I don’t make enough money

That sounds like an exaggeration or a straw man scapegoat tactic, what were HER words she used to explain it? And none of that addresses my point as I said YOU should talk to a therapist, not as a couple, but YOU. You’re the one who seems to have the issue, cheated on the first, and can’t make it work or picked a bad one for the second. Figure YOURself out and see what to do from there.

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[deleted] OP t1_iuhvm8v wrote

Replying to triaxisman (#382,107)

100% true. I do need to figure myself out. She actually did say since she has a job that pays 175k a year I should be making more than her and admitted that is the whole reason she is not showing me affection. It’s sad but money is her love language. If it was not for our kid I would be out. But we don’t fight and I have to at least try with my kid and not let her turn out like her mother.

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triaxisman t1_iuhx54w wrote

Replying to [deleted] (#382,411)

> She actually did say since she has a job that pays 175k a year I should be making more than her and admitted that is the whole reason she is not showing me affection

So say if shes working full time AND caring for the kids AND doing housework while you’re just working? That point then wouldn’t be about money but about equity. There’s not enough context here to know what’s going on.

And you don’t stay and put up with crap, all that does is teach your kids to put up with crap. Get a divorce, joint custody, and give them 50% of their time in a happy home and therapy to address the rest. That’s better than 100% of their time in an unhappy home.

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