Sounds like you’ve analyzed and rationalized your way into a form of self-harm through enforced isolation. It’s easy to do, the more rational and logical your mindset is in general, the harder it becomes to recognize and overcome the irrational conclusions brought on by mental health brain worms.

Relationships are weird, awkward and messy. But when they go well, they can be the thing that helps balance out the bad shit. Best thing you can do is to try to stop thinking of your struggles as some sort of ticking time bomb that you have to protect the world from, and just adopt the traditional metaphor: baggage. The baggage might be annoying and inconvenient, but a partner will help you carry it and lighten the load. In turn, you’ll help them with theirs when it’s needed.

Obviously that doesn’t mean dumping all your shit on people, but if you have a good therapist helping you keep your problems in check, it’s worth it to try trusting and opening up to other people. There’s a good chance you’ll discover that they are more resilient than you think.