So I (29f) met this guy (27m) on a dating app 4 weeks ago. We hit it off and I really enjoyed talking to him and it gave me a lot of energy. We seemed to have a lot of interests in common and I liked how he's not really the typical guy I usually meet online. He's super enthusiastic about us talking (or so he says) and has mentioned more than once that he feels a real connection between us and is super excited that he has met me on the dating app. He even started to make some future plans (I know, a bit too fast but it felt cute for a bit).

So the thing I have a problem with is the fact that we only seem to talk whenever he's working, whether that's at the office or at home. Whenever he stops working, he just stops talking to me. Which is mostly around 4/5pm. In weekends he might send me a message in the morning, but it usually stops after that. I find this very odd, so pretty early on I confronted him with this and he said that he's usually just doing his thing and not really touching his phone in the evening. I explained to him that when I'm at work (pretty much the same work hours as him) I'm not really on my phone much, so we can't really get to know each other better if he's silent all night. I expressed that I'm not expecting 24/7 intense texting, just a respond every now and then while we're working towards going on a first date. He promised multiple times he would try harder and that he doesn't want to "loose me". Well nothing has changed at all, so I'm annoyed with that. Another thing that happened is that he asked if I would like to video call that evening, so I agreed. But that night he just left me hanging and ignored me till the next morning, saying he was so insecure about what I was feeling for him (he didn't ask) he just couldn't get himeself to call me. So I ended it there, but he kept BEGGING me to stay and give him another shot. Promising me he would do better and now he knew how I felt, he wouldn't have to be insecure anymore. Hesistantly I gave it another shot, thinking he would really go for it this time. But yeah.. nothing changed and I lost interest.

So I've decided to cut him loose, but I keep having this feeling that something just doesn't add up. That's why I'm here, asking strangers if I'm right and something fishy is going on? I mean, why can't he talk to me after work hours? He says he doesn't have a girlfriend. Why beg me to keep talking if you're not going to keep your promise and try a little harder? He says he's thinking about me a lot, but not enough to grab his phone and text me?

Tldr: guy I met online only speaks to me during work hours, promises he will try harder but doesn't, but does act like I'm the perfect girl. What's going on?

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

ExpressingThoughts t1_iujz58j wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:17 PM

> But that night he just left me hanging and ignored me till the next morning, saying he was so insecure about what I was feeling for him (he didn't ask) he just couldn't get himeself to call me.

Regardless of his reasons, this is a big red flag in itself. Don't date people who are insecure. It causes too many problems in relationships and they should be working on themselves instead.

Zebraturtle007 OP t1_iuk11sf wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:32 PM

I completely agree, it's also the reason I think it was dumb of me to agree to keep talking. Somehow I hoped I would get the spark back of what I felt before his behaviour started to bother me more.

Any_Dress_3811 t1_iuk0vq6 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:31 PM

Have you even met him in person yet? I can't think of a single scenario where there isn't a huge red flag reason why this is happening, and it mostly comes down to he's either married or living with his girlfriend.

Zebraturtle007 OP t1_iuk1wx5 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:39 PM

Haven't met, I cancelled our first date when he stood me up that night. I've asked him twice if he has a girlfriend while mentioning his strange behaviour and he told me he doesn't. I kinda believed him because he seems super inexperienced with women? But I can't know for sure and I don't have another explanation

Any_Dress_3811 t1_iuk2rbo wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:45 PM

Even if it's because he's inexperienced with women, it still makes no sense. He doesn't touch his phone after work? Days off, either? You don't work with him, so about 100% of your relationship would be during his non-working time, but you don't get to spend a minute of that talking to him? You shouldn't commit any more time to him if he can't commit any of his personal time to you.

AutoModerator t1_iujxbns wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:03 PM

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors
Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.
No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.
All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.