My parents keep disrupting relationships

Submitted by Abezethibodtheimp t3_yiqgs2 in relationship_advice

I’m gonna do my best to explain this, because it’s a weird situation.

I (18M) have a boyfriend (20M). It is going nicely, but the other day I casually introduced him to my mum (37F) (yes she had me young).

I told my parents before hand to please be chill and relaxed.

Well it turned into an interview and she essentially stared him down every time she asked even a simple question, like she was trying to catch him out.

My dad (56M) (yes he was older) has been making off comments, one of which upset my boyfriend quite a lot.

Now if they were just like this with him I could say something. I could ask them what’s going on.

But this has happened with friends and partners over and over and over again. My previous partner (18NB) was constantly being interviewed. If I invite a friend round they drag them out to the kitchen, where they’ll interview them. This happens time and time again, I’ve lost people because they do this.

I’ve brought it up gently, I’ve been firm. I’ve tried to subtly tell them to stop. It’s either ignored or an argument. My boyfriend is stressed at the moment, and he’s told me that he can’t keep seeing me if my family doesn’t chill out. I love him tbh, and I can’t loose someone that close because my parents won’t stop harassing everyone who comes round.

(I’m not moved out yet because I was ill for a few years and live in a big city, so getting a stable job so I can move out is gonna be hard)

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yowen2000 t1_iujyjmn wrote

Tell your parents you are taking them out of the equation where your dating life is concerned. Then follow that up, but not spending time at your place with him. Would that be possible? Do you two have other places you can hang out?

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Abezethibodtheimp OP t1_iuk70i6 wrote

Yeah, that’s what I’ve done. At this point from you and other comments I can see I’m probably not going to be able to introduce them to anyone. We have a few other places, honestly I should know my house is off limits. Thanks for the advice, its nice to get an outside perspective :)

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yowen2000 t1_iuk8fx1 wrote

You're welcome. I don't know how your otherwise feel about your parents, but if they are reasonable there is this argument:

"would you rather dial it back with the interrogations of my boyfriend so that we still come around here, so you can share in that part of my life, or would you like me to proceed never bringing this or any other boyfriend home?"

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starbiebarbie99 t1_iujy900 wrote

Info - Why do you keep bringing your partners over to be interviewed? The solution is to stop doing that, or at least give them adequate warning and when you see it getting to be to much, leave with your partner. You're an adult who is dating. Act like it.

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Abezethibodtheimp OP t1_iuk6bhh wrote

Look, I’m gonna be honest, he said he’d like to meet my parents and be a part of the family, and my family wanted to meet him. I thought they might not for once, but they did. I discussed with him, and honestly we’ve come to the agreement my house is off limits.

I know it’s probably naïve I thought it would be any different, but thanks for the wake up. I appreciate it :)

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blondeboomie t1_iujzsdk wrote

We used to call my bffs mom's car the interrogation room. Every time we would get in the car she would ask us what we plan on doing with our lives (in a much nicer way, she's a very sweet woman it was just a lot at 18). We all got our drivers licenses to avoid this situation.

The solution is to avoid bringing him around your parents. Your parents sound like they've been doing this forever, so you can't expect them to change. You CAN avoid putting your partners in that situation. If your parents ask why they haven't met your SO or why they haven't seen him in a while you can take that opportunity to talk to them about the insane interview questions.

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Abezethibodtheimp OP t1_iuk6j19 wrote

Yeah, I know, I’m working on it. I forgot to say my partner did want to meet them, but honestly I should’ve been more clear about the situation. I’ve told him my house should probably be a no go unless no one is in, but thanks for confirming it’s a good idea :)

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JulyKimono t1_iuk0bqw wrote

Firstly, stop bringing friends and dates home. Only do that when you're ready to defend them and fight your parents. Secondly, don't take dating advice from a predator, which I'm sorry to say, but your father was. Do things you feel right. And if you're going to date like an adult, try to act like one too, and stand by the people you put under fire of your parents.

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Abezethibodtheimp OP t1_iuk6q5e wrote

You’re completely right. I have tried to de-escalate but it’s really clear I’ve got to be firmer tbh. Thanks for the reply, it’s helpful to hear this from an outside perspective :)

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