Help24-7 t1_iujzan1 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:18 PM

Okay...you glossed over a major point....

>Her excuse for no intimacy is wanting fix our marriage before we get physical in bed

What is she referring to?? What does she feel is wrong??

What steps has she taken to fix things? What have you done to fix things? And what have you two done together to fix things??

Are you in marriage counseling??

>since not living together our communication has went from texting most of the day while at work (she works swing shift so her days off very) to her maybe responding once every couple hours. My Calls won’t get answered and occasionally she will call back an hour or so later saying she was busy with our kid asking what I needed.

I'm sorry but why are you texting her non stop all day and why are you expecting her to respond?? Especially when you are both working?? How do you do your jobs and stay on your phone like that?

And she is still responding to you..just at a more reasonable rate.

Is this one of her issues with your marriage??

Also you complained she doesn't talk to you when you're together. What would she say when you're always texting and calling her?? Are you sure she's not engaging you??? Or is she not engaging enough to where you like OP?

What money issues do you have?? You briefly mentioned the digs -- are the issues with budgeting?? Spending? Is one person more in control of the money than the other? Is there an income difference? Does this tie back into her complaints about the marriage??

Also why are you living separately??? Whose choice was that and why?? Why not stay together at one home?

Edit to add .. I'm not getting signs of cheating.... I'm seeing signs of resentment especially if she's telling you that you guys need to fix your marriage.....and you seem to be ignoring that and accusing her of cheating instead/acting paranoid.

bigshoots21 t1_iuk063q wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:25 PM

The issues relate back to the financial. I don’t spend much on myself, if any. The money I have either goes to my daughter or my wife. Since not making as much as I was, it seemed to kind of make her resent me. I put a budget together to ensure we have enough to put food on the table. The money issues is the biggest in our relationship for sure. We are in individual counseling and when I bring up marriage counseling it somehow turns into an argument.

Help24-7 t1_iuk17qy wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:33 PM

Okay... But the comment your wife made makes it clear that it's more than just money issues. And did you include your wife on making a budget??

Why does she not want couples counseling??

There's a lot of missing info here. I asked some very specific questions that you ignored and/or gave a basic answer too.

Have you asked her to write out what she feels needs to be worked on in your marriage??

Also your daughter is not biologically her child correct?? You've written multiple times that the daughter is only related to you and not your wife. Has that created some issues as well?

bigshoots21 t1_iuk15m5 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:33 PM

To add: I don’t blow her phone up at all, I typically will message her around lunch wishing her a good day and see how things are going. I completely understand when she’s working the minimal communication. The problem is when we are together she will tell me she doesnt reply because she’s never around her phone or she’s busy doing whatever, but when we together she’s on it constantly. That’s where my issue lies.

Help24-7 t1_iuk2kri wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:44 PM

Okay why is it an issue she's on her phone when you're around?? She's not working and not busy doing other things. She's using the phone to occupy her time in that moment. Is she not allowed to use her phone around you?? Also is she using the phone as a buffer for the lack of sex? Is she spacing out while you finally spend time with your daughter ?? Is she using the phone to avoid fighting with you??

Is the living situation making your issues worse?? Again Why are you living separately?? Why wouldn't you make the effort to stay together in one spot? Especially if things aren't going well....wouldn't it behoove you to make that extra effort for your family?

Again there seems to be a communication issue.... And that's just from me writing to you on here. You don't answer specifics or avoid things that I'm guessing either make you uncomfortable or put you in a less favorable light.