In YOUR experience, what does it mean when a man says “I’m no good for you. I know I will end up hurting you and I don’t want to do that… It scares me though to let you go, as you check all the boxes for me.”

Submitted by maryjanewatsoniii t3_yiphk8 in relationship_advice

M (34) F (28) — both going through divorce

I have thoughts on this. But wondering if anyone has a fresh perspective on this? Everyone thinks their special and their situation is “different”. That’s where my head is. And I know better, but there is something still not letting me walk away… yet.

My gut feeling says: he is not interested in me as I am in him…

HOWEVER, I have heard many men tell many of my friends, and myself the same thing. It can be a reflection of their state of mind and lack of confidence.

TYPICALLY, though unfortunately, it's more sinister than that. And I have a feeling I’m in that situation.

It means that he would not be there to support me. It means that I will spend days, nights, months, years crying over him. It means that my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual health will decline because of the way he treats me. It means that he may cheating on me with someone else. It means that he will put me in danger, either because of the choices he makes with others, or because of choices he makes on his own.

IF I had a friend who was asking me this question…. I would say: “My experience says: Listen to people when they tell you things about themselves. They mean what they say, and they say what they mean. Believe him. Then walk away…no…run away.”

6

Comments

You must log in or register to comment.

AutoModerator t1_iujslc4 wrote

Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our rules here. We'd like to take this time to remind users that:

  • We do not allow any type of am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors

  • Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned.

  • No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. (Includes, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, FDS, MGTOW, etc.) Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. This is not an all-inclusive list.

  • All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.

  • What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. This is not an all-inclusive list.

If you have any questions, please send us a modmail.

#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

1

code-sloth t1_iujsyx9 wrote

Your own advice summed it up.

2

DiscountNinjaGaming t1_iujtsyv wrote

Sounds like he is no good for you and will hurt you in the end. He doesn't wanna do that cause then he will have to deal with your feelings and that is just too much to ask for in a partnership for him.

16

Murky_Anxiety4884 t1_iujubv5 wrote

It may or may not mean anything, but one thing is clear: you should act as though it were true.

11

elemy9 t1_iujvc3l wrote

If it comes from the heart, believe him and leave. He's just not emotionally ready for that kind of closeness. You'll find that the more distance you have the more they will be able to provide a healthy interaction with you.

If it's some act... you know what to do.

3

TrayalPS t1_iujvmv7 wrote

In my experience (note: i am a man, and I see this question as gender-neutral), these kind of wishy-washy statements that 1. Express self doubts, while 2. Not taking steps to correcting the cause of those doubts, and 3. Avoiding commitment while also 4. Refusing to break things off, are really just trying drop enough hints to get their partner to break up with them so they don't have to be the Bad Guy™ by doing the breaking up themselves. Other classic variations are, "I don't know what I want," and "I love you but I'm not in love with you."

6

fisharefriends342 t1_iujvvrm wrote

I echo what you said at the bottom. When people show you who they are, believe them.

My friend and I joke because her ex used to say "I feel dead inside" and she thought it was a joke. It was not a joke, he literally lacks empathy.

Trust people when they tell you about themselves.

6

DelsMagicFishies t1_iujxwgv wrote

It means he’s trying to sucker you into lowering your standards. “I’ll gaslight you and cheat on you and like NEVER do dishes, but I LOVE you, you’re too perfect, stay awaaaaay…” it’s reverse psychology.

6

Famous_Ad1820 t1_iuk0l1k wrote

My experience says: Listen to people when they tell you things about themselves. They mean what they say, and they say what they mean. Believe him. Then walk away…no…run away.

5

Cpult t1_iuk0sll wrote

Man’s needs a therapist and space before he does something stupid

4

curly_lox t1_iuk2ngn wrote

It is an entire parade of red flags. Run, don't walk away from him.

3

Mountain_Monitor_262 t1_iuk9nz7 wrote

BS line that he forewarned you so whatever BS he does is on you. But he made you feel special enough to stay and see it play out. Most women haven’t figured out it’s code for run.

2