Does this mean my relationship is over?

She's wonderful and kind and caring but I just don't have that urge to jump into bed with her. I still have the urge with others, though I would never act on it.

We've tried various things, dressing up, new positions etc but I just still find it hard to get excited about sex. What can I do?

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willhelpyounow t1_iuh7un0 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 9:16 AM

Break up

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beesorbears t1_iuhad7p wrote on October 31, 2022 at 9:54 AM

I wouldn’t say it immediately means the relationship is over, but you certainly need to work on this.

If things don’t change, ending the relationship is probably best, otherwise it’s likely you’ll end up in a dead bedroom.

Electronic_Dress975 t1_iuhavzy wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:02 AM

Did you ever have that desire? If so can you think of anything that changed.

bennysteves OP t1_iuhbus5 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:15 AM

Yeah we definitely had this early on. I guess since we've been living together it's slowly disappeared.

Electronic_Dress975 t1_iuhc2zi wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:18 AM

Sadly sometimes it doesn't last. I think lockdowns changed a lot of relationships

Nini_1993 t1_iuhdc1t wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:35 AM

Well, if you want to work on the relationship, maybe try going to a sex therapist.

Andromeda491 t1_iuhh6kt wrote on October 31, 2022 at 11:22 AM

3yrs is right around when the cupcake phase ends.

Congratulations, you've now entered the steady, sometimes monotonous phase of "comfortable".

In the comfortable phase, you have to work to keep a relationship from feeling stale in the absence of the novelty of the cupcake phase.

But honestly? You sound like you only "like" your gf, and that doesn't bode well. Even in the comfortable phase, you should still have some semblance of excitement. I mean, you're still getting to have sex with her. The woman you've decided to be with.

My partner and I have been together for 5+ yrs, and we have a little one so there's not a whole lot of room for "super crazy hot sex". Our first three years were full of it. But now? We're tired. Life's crazy. Our child is the ultimate mood killer. But, even when we're just having maintenance sex, we're still happy and excited to be able to still share that sort of physical intimacy (even when it's 10 minutes of silent grinding so we don't wake the sleeping monster). And when we can, we spice shit up. But it takes planning, and effort to break the cycle of maintenance sex.

If you're genuinely feeling zero excitement towards having any physical intimacy with your partner, and you don't feel lucky to have her, then it's time to move on and let her go. Especially if you feel lust for other women but not for the wonderful kind woman who you've grown bored of. It happens, but try your best to be decisive.