Boyfriends parents don't like me

Submitted by Assortedark74 t3_yijt4m in relationship_advice

My boyfriend (23m German) texted me last night saying he thinks we should break up because his parents don't support our relationship (2 year relationship so far) and that they have been causing him a lot of stress, I (22m American) assured him it is very much our relationship and not theirs, that my dad is the same way with me but I ignore my dad, we had a very long talk over a few hours but have decided it would be best to keep our relationship hidden from his parents and brother (we are still together).

his father and mother both are pre wall east Germans, his father despises me and his mother isn't comfortable with us, his brother is also confused and thinks our relationship is a joke.

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TLDR: his dad doesn't like me because I'm an American (trying to transfer my job to Germany to eventually get citizenship) his mom is leaning on against it but more 'neutral' towards us, his brother thinks its a joke, but its very much real for us, I'm also visiting him over Christmas.

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I need help, he is still in college for another year but also living with his parents and we still both love each other very much, I planned on getting an apartment for myself then eventually he moves in with me.

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murderousbudgie t1_iuizv1b wrote

If your boyfriend is willing to dump you to please mommy and daddy at his age, I don't think he's a good longterm partner anyway.

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Assortedark74 OP t1_iuj0u42 wrote

No he told me that he was thinking about it but after a while he mentioned he still really cared for me and didn’t want to, that’s when we had the “hey maybe we should keep this secret from them for a while“ talk and that made him instantly feel better about everything

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murderousbudgie t1_iuj3tzy wrote

I hope you're not planning to just move to Germany for him. It's a goal separate from him, right?

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Assortedark74 OP t1_iuj41dz wrote

It’s been my goal for 3 1/2 years now (before I met him, he just helped with motivation

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_20110719 t1_iuj09d0 wrote

If that's all it took for him to explore breaking up, do you think his commitment to the relationship matches yours and could be relied upon?

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Assortedark74 OP t1_iuj1b5c wrote

It was more them forcing him and it stressing him out which is why he mentioned it, that’s when we had the conversation about keeping it secret from his parents which made him feel a lot better and he said he regretted saying that

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_20110719 t1_iuj3p9g wrote

Fair enough, unapproving parents is painful. I'd recommend instead of secrecy that they be aware of it and can kindly get fucked until they've adjusted their attitude. It'll be easier for you two.

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Own-Understanding428 t1_iuj0bbm wrote

Have you actually showed you guys are serious outside of just you too. Do you understand German culture, Food, activities. Your intention is to marry their son. Come during Christmas with energy, and leader mentality. Show them your not a basic American girl flopping around.<- this is what foreigners think.

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Assortedark74 OP t1_iuj1s44 wrote

This was actually going to be me meeting his parents and brother, I was planning on bringing gifts for them all as an introduction hoping they would see around my being American (I honestly wish I wasn’t an American), but ugh it kinda disappoints me that they would push him to that level, parents are supposed to be supportive.. at least I think they are right?

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Own-Understanding428 t1_iuj3do1 wrote

Well come ready like how I said in my opinion in my above comment. You will do great. Nothing wrong with being American, but you have to realize the media that they take in verse what you do is two different things. Like how Korean girls think American white guys are bold,tall and wild lol.

Yes parents are suppose to be supportive. They are his parents and want the best for ->him<-. Show them your ready to be a wife. Help with dishes, take his plate , ask questions.

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