I feel guilty for still masturbating to the thought of my ex

Submitted by jaskldfjaslgj t3_yi2zsi in relationship_advice

Whenever I'm in the "mood", I think of some of our sexual encounters and it always gets me going. But after I finish I'm always hit with the same intense feeling of guilt. It feels a little "rapey" to put it bluntly. I get that we can't police thoughts, but I still feel guilty whenever I think of her in all these lewd positions for my own sexual pleasure, and I know if she were to find out about this she would be absolutely disgusted by it. I don't want to stop because nothing feels better than being with her again (even though it's in my imagination), but at the same time she didn't really consent to being thought of like that after our breakup. Im probably overthinking this but I'd really appreciate some input.

This part isn't related to the original post but I'm pretty sure she was the love of my life, we were together for 2 and half a years, broke up 2 years ago and I'm still not over her so if you guys have any advice that could help me with that as well it'd be much appreciated

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Smulch t1_iugyb6e wrote

It's fairly normal and I would be surprised if she didn't replay some of it in her head.

Don't stress about it, in due times you'll simply want to move to someone else.

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FreddyGunk t1_iuh2zm4 wrote

You definitely need to stop using her for wank material, but not because of the reasons you think. You need to pack it in so you can move on; start actually visualizing yourself with other women and begin that mental hurdle onwards in life. So pack it in - not for guilt over her, but for your own good. Lots of good porn online, I'd start there.

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catluvr1312 t1_iuh6sce wrote

There‘s obviously nothing morally wrong with thinking about your own experiences but damn you really need to let this person go. This isn‘t healthy.

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jaskldfjaslgj OP t1_iuhcq3l wrote

Replying to FreddyGunk (#374,777)

No other woman compares to her if I'm being honest. It's really hard to pack it in because I'm a naturally optimistic person so I have a lot of hope that she'll randomly fall back in love with me, so I just keep on holding on to that and it's stopping me from moving on.

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jaskldfjaslgj OP t1_iui62ut wrote

Replying to Knale (#380,055)

I know how I sound an how I'm coming across. And I understand your reaction. But I sincerely believe no other woman compares to her, I'll never click so well in every way with anyone else ever again

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doninfernal t1_iui7g72 wrote

I feel like we've all done this. But for me personally it's the experience we had that turns me on, not the person, because I moved on.

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ldev237 t1_iuipi6c wrote

Being attached to this body and then to those who get attached to our body in some or the other ways (emotional or physical) is one of the hardest things to forget or deal with sadly. But with practice and time we could forget them or erase them.

This is more like a spiritual perspective obviously not a quick solution but it messes most of us in the kind of trend which had been going on where before marriage itself we might've slept with so many people and to save ourselves from it as per my personal experience spiritual perspective was the only thing which could practically help me out (even though tbh I haven't slept with single girl until now but I've dealt with this thoughts kinda problem in the past)

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Historical-Pianist85 t1_iuj84as wrote

Hey, as long as you’re not in a relationship with someone else or still have photos/videos saved then you’re all good and normal

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Mundane_Crab_2959 t1_iuju6jy wrote

...everybody faps sometimes and thinks wtf afterwards. 🤷‍♀️

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