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It may have nothing to do with you, she may be doing it to everyone. She may be having wedding stress, or relationship stress as the wedding approaches. I'd check in with some other friends and see if they're having communication issues with her also.

I'd plan to be at the wedding.

This is some HS bullshit.

Not everything is about you. Maybe she's just fucking busy, maybe the run up to the wedding is stressful, maybe she has work issues, maybe she has health issues, maybe she's just tired... you have no idea because none of it is your fucking business... Be a good friend and be empathetic of your friends who seem to be a bit more withdrawn for a time; and then eventually I'm sure she'll come around and things will change for her. But, if you seriously can't find an empathetic bone in your body then just skip the wedding and save this poor woman from your drama filled head.

Thank you for your comment. I promise I’m not trying to make it about myself - she’s just the type of person who normally texts back in 2 minutes, so it’s quite out of character. And the one time I’ve seen her frustrated with me, she similarly went radio silent.

It doesn't mean she's frustrated or stressed with you. There are other things in her life that could stress her out too. If you're worried about her invite her for coffee or dessert alone sometime. And don't get offended when she can't (again, she could just be stressed out and tired with no relation to you at all).

It's only been two months? That is barely any time of low contact for an adult friendship (which definitely go in cycles). She is probably exhausted planning the wedding. If she has a problem with you it's ON HER to communicate that, not you to divine that from signs that you admittedly assign too much value too. It is not your job to guess other people's feelings.

Just get out of your own head and go if you actually value the friendship. You'll do more damage by preemptively trying to "end" the friendship on Bella's behalf.

I think the one who needs some empathy here is you.

> I’m struggling with whether they even want me there at this point, and whether I should take the hint and respectfully decline

If they really didn't want you there then they would not have invited you.

There's a million reasons your friend could be less sociable, if she really didn't like you she would probably just block and ghost you. Don't overthink it.

Yes, my heart truly breaks for the OP that she was invited to a wedding by her friend... What a truly hard position for her to be in.

Planning a wedding is stressful. She doesn't have time to text everyone back every day. She has to deal with the venue, vendors, finding her wedding dress, etc. Even the most chill people can get overwhelmed by all the decisions that need to be made when planning a wedding.

It's probably not about you at all - if they don't want you there, they wouldn't invite you!

Bella is probably going through something completely unrelated to you. I can think of a whole bunch of potential examples of why someone might be more reserved and pull away from social interactions. It's literally only been two months! I think it's normal to worry that she might be upset with you, but it's pretty self-centered to assume that she hates you to the point of not wanting you at her wedding - and overbearing/invasive to prod at her about it.

I think you should RSVP yes, then wait a few more weeks or months before bringing it up again. Then, text Bella once saying that you miss hanging out with her, that if you did/said anything to upset her then please let you know - but you're sure she's probably crazy busy with wedding planning, you hope she's doing well, and you're looking forward to the wedding. Then just leave things be.

Thank you for the comments everyone, I just RSVPed yes.

I moved soon after this started so I haven’t been able to see them in person recently. I guess that’s how I ended up overthinking things. I’m really looking forward to seeing them.

I know you have already said you are going to the wedding, but here is my advice for you as one older woman to a younger:

Assume that if you were invited somewhere, you are wanted there. I know it is easy to worry 'but am I really wanted, is this a pity invite or just a formal thing?' Etc.

But those happen very rarely. More often than not, if someone doesn't want you at a thing, they won't invite you. They'll find some excuse if it is expected.

And if it was a pity invite? Go and assume you are wanted. If it is the rare pity invite, going and assuming you are wanted and acting like it will generally have a better net outcome in your life than not going or going and worrying the whole time about whether you are or aren't wanted there.

This could be anything from depression to a miscarriage. If her husband is still in contact w you but ignoring comments about her, she probably just isn’t doing well right now and he’s shielding her. Go to the wedding, keep in contact with him.

If you got a invite, you are wanted; there was a list made of who to invite and you made it. Plenty of others didn't (or are on the 2nd or 3rd level list).

Just go, don't overthink it.

You're overthinking it. Go to the wedding, have fun. She could be stressed out or sick. Don't worry about it, just be a good friend to them both. You sound a little self-involved. Wedding planning is stressful, she could just be overwhelmed. Who knows. Not your problem.

I’d send regrets and just send a gift. I’d say up to $250 if you think they are good people overall. But not until right after the ceremony.

It could be the gal/them are going thru something.

I’m sorry I am unable to attend and celebrate your nuptials. I hope you have a lovely day and a fantastic marriage. Good luck!

If pressed, just say you have financial issues but Wish them well.

I agree with the other posters, I have a feeling she's very stressed in general (wedding planning suuuuucks), and you should proceed assuming it's not about you.

Once the chaos subsides, if you still have issues? Then maybe reach out and ask if she's ok/are you guys ok. But don't sweat the wedding.

Well, there's one sure way to find out. Call Bella and talk with her. Tell her up front that you're confused and hurt by the ways she's been interacting with you, and that you really want to know what has caused her to act in this manner.

Your decision on whether or not to attend their wedding should be based on what Bella reveals. If she's forthcoming, great; perhaps you can deal with any issues she has with you. If her communication is cold, or distant, then you will know that your response to the RSVP will be 'non'.

This is bad advice.

Accept she’s planning a wedding and just doesn’t have space and time in her life right now. OP for sure go to the wedding.

Have fun and safe travels!

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I didn’t actually prod at her about it - I just asked how her job was, then 2wks later sent a pic of a gift she gave me in my new apartment when I unpacked it, then a month later asked how one of her hobbies is going. Not sure if that was clear in the post. I never asked why she was MIA.

I really appreciate this advice though, gives me peace of mind.

Sorry, didn't mean to imply you had prodded her (I thought your post was clear enough that you'd only asked Andrew once and texted her a few unrelated things) - just a suggestion not to start prodding lol

It's easy to get worried about it being personal when friends pull away, but everyone has so much going on in their own lives! I think the best we can do is remain open and friendly and give them space to come back if/when they can and they want to. In my experience adult friendships can wax/wane in strange ways, and that's normal. I'm glad you're feeling better about things :)