Advice on breakup

Submitted by Efficient_Diamond_81 t3_yih2hr in relationship_advice

So yesterday my gf of 3 years (21M 20F) broke up with me.

Relationship had been rocky because I was facing a severe problem in my family ( mother has cancer, its a matter of months now unfortunately) and she started a new job that she works about 6/7.

We went on holidays one month ago and everything seemed normal. Two weeks later i made dinner for her to celebrate our 3 year anniversary . She announced me that in one week she will go with a male co-worker on a work trip for a week. Seemed a bit weird, but i was ok with it since it was her job.

The first three days everything was great, we called each other and texted. The third day I was kinda off because my mother was really bad but i apologized later to her .

The next days she didnt pickup calls or respond to texts After she got back, she asked for a breakup .

She blamed me for the breakup, because i didnt show her enough love while she was away ( for example she said i should have called her more often , tell her i miss her ) and i didn't do enough to claim her over the other guy( her words). She then told me she lost feelings for me and that she likes someone else

She didnt accept any wrongdoing on her part. When I asked her what she has to say about the trip with the other guy, she told its my fault BECAUSE I DIDNT TELL HER NOT TO GO. Finally her mother calls me after i got to home to tell me its my fault because i took her daughter for granted.

Need some advice how to handle this because i am going crazy from all this blame .

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thatvolleyballsetter t1_iuimvj8 wrote

Breakups aren't mutual decisions, and the person doing the breaking has lots of time to think things over and figure out an interpretation of events that they would like to hold as true. Then, they have the opportunity to start "testing" the relationship by monitoring interactions to see if they can further prove what they've already decided is true. Then they get to present all their "evidence" to their surprised partner.

All that to say, there is no objective truth here. She has her way of seeing things, and you can continue to have yours. She has decided that you aren't the right partner for her, and eventually, you might come to the same agreement. The important thing is for you to look back over the relationship and make sure the person you were is the partner you want to be. Make adjustments based on what you see in your behavior that you'd like to change. And, after some time, go out and try to find a partner who wants what you are offering and is what you are looking for.

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DazzlingPotion t1_iuimwad wrote

The MOTHER of a grown woman called you to blame you for the breakup? 🚩🚩🚩🚩

Listen, I know you’re hurting but you seriously need to analyze that move. Do you really want a potential lifetime of your GF (wife??) whining that she doesn’t get enough attention and then her MOTHER calling you to complain??

You are still young and there are “so many fish in the sea” as they say.

It sure sounds like she’s just covering for her own infidelity and trying to put it on you.

Time will heal this wound and you’ll be much better off for it.

My best advice is for you to reach out for support from family and friends and do your best to move on, then sit back and enjoy the indignation on her part when you don’t go groveling back to her. Good luck, you deserve better.

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Overall-Fisherman-24 t1_iuipdxr wrote

I am hesitant to be too hardline here as it is only one side of the story, however from what you are saying I do not think you are in the wrong at all. If she only thinks of herself and how you should be doing more for her with all of the difficult circumstances you are going through that reads to me as very self centered, never mind the obviously alarming hubris of accepting no responsibility. Sorry you had to go through that, but it sounds like it might be for the best honestly.

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Efficient_Diamond_81 OP t1_iuipycw wrote

Honestly i wasnt attentive the last months and i let the circumstances overtake me, meaning i understand my fault in this. But everything about the breakup i told is true, she deflected everything that it was her responsibility. All questions about her mistakes and the other guy were avoided and deflected as my fault.

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Overall-Fisherman-24 t1_iuiraq2 wrote

Even though you have some part to play in it, given the circumstances I would say this relationship clearly wasnt right for you. Hold your head high and keep up the good fight king!

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JannaNYC t1_iuipk67 wrote

There is nothing to handle right now except your wounded heart. Ignore her and her mother (which is insane, by the way), block them both and start working on healing. You didn't do anything wrong here.

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