Me (27F) want a child in the future, my boyfriend (25M) does not

Submitted by applebeey t3_yijaqm in relationship_advice

Hi everyone,

I have a problem that is heavy on my heart. I want to have a child / children in the future, i am 27 and my partner is 25. We have been together for almost 2 years. we have a good relationship in my opinion, we enjoy being together and I love him. when I met my partner said he wanted children in the future. for the past year he has said he no longer wants children. he has thought about it and has come to the conclusion that it is too stressful, that he does not want to spend his time on children and just has no desire to have children.

I, on the other hand, feel that I want at least one child in the future. I also want to travel and experience things before I have kids, i just know i want a kid before i'm 35. My boyfriend is sure he won't change his mind. I love him and don't want to be with anyone but him, at the same time I want to be true to myself and live the life I feel I want to live, where I at least try to have children. I also want him to be true to himself and live the life he wants to live.

I don't want to hope for him to change his mind in the future, it feels unfair to both of us. we all have to live with our life choices in the end, everything has a price, both having a child and not having one. I have tried to approach the idea that I don't want children either, to be able to be with him, but I think I would regret it, and miss out on a great loving experience that I still want.

We have talked a lot about this and I have said that I will think about what I want to do. Does anyone have similar experiences, how can I think? it would be so incredibly sad to break up right now when we are doing well and love each other, because he does not want kids at some point in the future.

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southcoastal t1_iuiy7yd wrote

You are not compatible. End of story.

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SilasVale t1_iuizquf wrote

Children are one of the things that NEED to be agreed upon for the relationship to work. Either you'll resent him for not having kids, or he'll resent you for having them. Either way, it won't work in the long term.

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clampie t1_iuixcn4 wrote

Dating is about finding someone compatible to make a life-long commitment. Choose wisely.

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LA-forthewin t1_iuiy2dr wrote

A child deserves to have two parents that want it, you have a limited window of opportunity as a woman, your fertility declines more rapidly . He as a man could change his mind at 60 and still have a kid. Your choice is either short term misery now , if you break up, or misery down the road when you see other people with kids and know that door is closed to you, but not, potentially to him

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irfanchef t1_iujpxi9 wrote

We broke up even though loving each other more than anything. At some point it made solving other arguments/issues impossible. It came down to not agreeing on having a child thus it didn't matter if we solved it since our futures didn't match. We slowly and painfully drifted apart trying to solve the unsolvable which led to some trauma and wounds. I'd suggest thinking clearly about it and decide if either can compromise. It might be best to part ways before the attachment grows and makes everything harder.

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