Hello, my first post here. I just want to get some advise/opinions on the topic. So my wife is best friends with her ex-boss.

They basically text everyday, but since some time she doesn't do that in front of me as she probably thinks that it bothers me. I know she is attracted and attached to the guy (we had an honest concersation about it), but it's not like she wants a relationship with him, so he is not a threat.

My problem is that, it seems like she wants to keep him secret apart of our relationship, everytime I ask what they talk about it's just always "work etc." which is not true. I am becoming overly jealous and I don't like that she's sharing parts of her life only with him, and it's killing me not knowing exactly what's happening between them.

I dislike getting so jealous and controlling. How do I get over this? I would just like to be in state when I'm happy for her to have a friend and to not care what they talk about.

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MarriedLife7 t1_iui2sn8 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:30 PM

#384,527

No you are not crazy. This could be emotional cheating and probably is. The fact is you know what is going on and your wife is refusing to accept that it is inappropriate and be open with it. If she would show you all her conversations it would be one thing but it isn't happening.

I would demand marital counseling and if she refuses and doesn't change her behavior consider a divorce.

ThisSpecificPangolin t1_iui30dl wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:32 PM

#384,576

> so he is not a threat.

Until they have sex.

misterk2020 t1_iui31al wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:32 PM

#384,582

At the minimum your wife is having an emotional affair. You need to stand up for yourself and put an end to this or find your way out of the marriage.

Just_aShyGirl t1_iui3evw wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:35 PM

#384,676

She is emotionally investing to a guy that is not you. Yeah i would be jealous too. Her talking to a guy she likes is not good at all. What if she falls for him or she already has and doesn't want to accept it?

Critical_Age1687 t1_iui3j8q wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:35 PM

#384,716

So, she's telling you that she doesn't want a relationship with him and he's not a threat... where have I heard that before? Maybe it was in the r/survivinginfidelity sub. I suspect that you'll be posting your story there soon.

carlorway t1_iui4vg6 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 2:45 PM

#385,074

You won't get over it until she is completely honest and trustworthy to you. Ask her to hand over her phone without warning. Read the messages before she can delete them. They are not platonic if she is hiding them.

ZCMI1960 t1_iui7ni0 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 3:04 PM

#385,942

Your wife is having a EA. It will turn into a PA when the change is there.

eyecicey t1_iuia0v4 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 3:20 PM

#386,652

So if she is attracted and attached why is it she does not want a relationship with him , is it only because at the moment he is saying no

That woman has no respect for you and refuses to do anything about it. I imagine trust has to be damaged.

I don't see how this relationship of yours is going to work continuing this way.

Wolfos663 OP t1_iuiezd4 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 3:54 PM

#388,130

Replying to MarriedLife7 (#384,527)

Thank you for your comment. In the past I was asking her to show me the texts and she was overall more open about it, but she always disliked when I wanted to see them. If I ask for them now, I'm sure it wil turn into a fight.

Wolfos663 OP t1_iuif9e9 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 3:56 PM

#388,230

Replying to carlorway (#385,074)

Isn't it a bit too controling? I mean I want to allow her some privacy too and I don't want to be like a policeman who will check her phone whenever he wants.

MarriedLife7 t1_iuifzav wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:01 PM

#388,472

Replying to Wolfos663 (#388,130)

So that is where the marital counseling comes into play. You don't have to demand she show them now but say this issue is driving a wedge in your marriage and you want her to go to therapy to help resolve these issues.

If she says you just need to do it yourself and alone then again you have your answer on her priorities. Partner's need to support each other even if one person thinks it isn't a big deal.

Wolfos663 OP t1_iuig498 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 4:02 PM

#388,507

Replying to MarriedLife7 (#388,472)

Ok thank you, your advice was very helpful

IllVast4743 t1_iuiwt76 wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:52 PM

#393,913

You are either a weak wuss or just terribly naive. Lay down some boundaries before this turns physical. Grow a spine

carlorway t1_iuiwtgw wrote on October 31, 2022 at 5:52 PM

#393,916

Replying to Wolfos663 (#388,230)

She is hiding and lying (by omission). I don't think anything is too controlling in this situation. If she has integrity and is honest, she will give you her phone without a fight.