Overthinking advice about parter partying

Submitted by Burner0182 t3_yiln61 in relationship_advice

Posting this off a burner since it’s kind of embarrassing but I (m22) have been in a relationship with well call her B (21) for close to 2 years now. I’ve dealt with a lot of anxiety and she’s helped me overcome a lot of it and am super grateful for her. We’ve always had problems where when she wants to go out to parties or bars with her friends it’s left me anxious and overthinking the situation and has caused me to shut down and not be the best partner at times. It recently lead us close to our breaking point and is pushing us apart and this is someone I’m looking to make things worth with. I guess what I’m asking is have you had this happen to you and what did you do to overcome this?

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oiler1996 t1_iuj981m wrote

what is your concern for when she goes out? Why cant you go to some of these bar outing or partys with her? do you trust her? does she act inappropriate when drinking?

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Burner0182 OP t1_iuj9vga wrote

I guess the concern is something happening that leads to getting hurt since that’s something that’s happened to me in previous relationships. She will usually go out with some of her girl friends or to random house parties but hasn’t always been very inviting of having me there which is something we’ve had arguments about and she’s agreed to work on. And I do trust her I guess I just have that thought in the back of my mind that what if something happens and also questioning how she acts when she’s drinking and I’m not there

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oiler1996 t1_iujat4k wrote

Had she done better with inviting you out or has it stayed the same? Your concerns are valid you wont know how she behaves when your not there, you can only take her word that she is acting respectfully towards your relationship and you, unfortuatly cheating happens but its gonna happen whether you are with her or not, if she wants to cheat she will, i know it sucks not having control over that aspect of the relationship and its scary as fuck, i have the same worries at times, but remind yourself she choose you and that she wants to be with you. Focus on what you can actually control which are your thoughts and how you act and hope she has the same respect for the relationship as you.

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Burner0182 OP t1_iujb3t6 wrote

You’re probably the most helpful person here thank you. It’s gotten a little better in terms of inviting but wish it would happen more but there also hasn’t been too many opportunities for her to invite me since we talked

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oiler1996 t1_iujbpwv wrote

Make sure when you do get invited out you express how much it means that she took your concern to heart and is trying and that you apprechiate her for doing so, that simple compliment to her will mean alot and she will feel more inclined to continue to invite you. Good luck man

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Aurin316 t1_iuj92ae wrote

Only therapy can help you with the insecurity, honestly.

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