Girlfriend is still talking to abusive ex

Submitted by Intrepid_Fee_4604 t3_yiqc3r in relationship_advice

Hi everyone,

So I (M27) have been dating this girl (F26) for 4 months but she told me a couple of weeks ago that she still talks to her ex, who she dated for 7 years, almost everyday. The guy she dated before me physically abused her, mentally tormented her, cheated on her multiple times, and gave her an STI. Obviously, I am uncomfortable with her talking to such a destructive person however she still views him as her "best friend" and told me that he will always be in her life.

To make the situation worse, she is planning to visit her EX and his family in another country for TWO WEEKS. I feel really uncomfortable with her talking to him and even more uneasy that she is going to another country to see him. Whenever I talk to her about it and ask her to set strong boundaries with him, she turns it around and says that I will always be stuck on the fact that she is talking to her EX and that I should trust her because she hasn't given me any reason to not trust her. I was just hoping if anyone had any perspectives or advice they can share because.

TL;DR: Current girlfriend is talking to her abusive EX and going to see him in another country for two weeks. Whenever I ask her to set strong boundaries with him, she gaslights me and tells me that I do not trust her enough.

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misterk2020 t1_iujyojd wrote

Here’s my perspective, end it. She’s still hung up on her ex and you shouldn’t be competing for her affections with this guy. Move on.

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Sphinx_1985 t1_iujys0l wrote

How on earth are you committed to someone that would put you through all that?

Time to look inward and evaluate why you would allow this for yourself.

Not trying to be cruel, but you don't demand much value and respect for yourself and this drama she will bring to you is something that you know doesn't make you happy.

It's all in your hands, my friend. You don't have to accept it.

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Any_Dress_3811 t1_iuk1c2b wrote

Do you know for sure he was abusive, or was that just her story to you? Because there is no way someone with an ounce of self respect calls an abuser their best friend if they're also an ex. Find someone who tells you the truth and ours you, as their current partner, first.

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One-Championship-779 t1_iuk26c2 wrote

You know what you need to do, leave her, no one desseves commitment, it's not losing a girlfriend, it's gaining a better understanding of redflags.

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softshoulder313 t1_iuk5utb wrote

If he's as abusive as she says why would she still want anything to do with him let alone be trapped in another country with him for 2 weeks?

And why would someone who treated her so badly be a friend at all?

Something is really weird. If I were you I would rethink this relationship.

She sounds like a hot mess and I wouldn't trust her judgment at all.

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luvduvbunny t1_iuk0hcc wrote

You need to end it with her

I’m going to be that asshole, but i don’t think she was abused by him. Why is she still constantly talking to him in the first place? Why is she going out of the country to visit him and his family?

Based on this information, it seems like she’s cheating on you. I mean come on! A vacation out of the country with his family?

Why would you put up with this? Both your GF and the ex are scumbags

I know I’m an asshole for doubting her abuse. No victim would ever do what your GF is doing

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