Submitted by ConferenceInitial912 t3_yiq3sr in relationship_advice

My fiancee (M27) and I (F25) met in 2012 when I was visiting my sister from Nicaragua in Georgia where he lived. We liked each other but because we were living in different countries obviously it didn’t work. A year later his mom “banned” him from talking to me because she said I was too wild (never knew where she got that from, I was never much of a rebel) and after that we lost touch for 8 years. Context: his parents moved to nicaragua in 2013 where me and my whole family lived. His dad and my dad ended up getting Covid in december of 2020- they both survived- in neighboring rooms at the same hospital. Knowing what my now fiancee must have been going through, I messaged to offer support. Three months later we saw each other in Miami and started dating. At some point we talked about how I (a dual citizen Nica and US) would move to where he was if we ever got into a more committed place. At one point his mom told him that I was manipulative and toxic and she disapproved of the relationship, that everyone in the family was against it and thought that he wasnt the same and they no longer recognized him. He called everyone in the family and it turns out only one out of 4 siblings disagreed (he met me for a couple of days) not the whole family. We were both devastated and we broke up. A month passed where his family did not even ask about how he was to the point that they didnt even know we had broken up. We worked through it and got back together and with his family I just kept being nice and pretended I didnt know. Over a year after starting to date and a lot of coming back and forth he came to Nicaragua and asked for my parents’ blessing (as a tradition not a requirement) and again, the mother resisted. She said the family would never be the same and not to do it. He did so anyway and I moved to miami two months later in June. We got engaged in July and decided to get married in January since his older brother (who got engaged in February of this year) is getting married in Nicaragua in June of next year. His mom was angry saying to my fiancee we were taking the spotlight away from his brother by getting married first in Nicaragua and to pospone to january- June 2024. Now, disclosure is we are waiting to get married and to live together. We are both employed with jobs and masters degree and we want to start a family. We don’t want to rush and we consider 8-9 months of engagement is enough. A year would be ideal but his older brother (who had no issue with us getting married first) is getting married at that time. Point is- we made a change from getting married in March in the states (so that his family wouldn’t have to travel twice in a year) against my parents very traditional mentality of wanting me to get married where I grew up and had a home to February. This time, the mother talked to me directly saying we were rushing into getting married, that everyone in the family disagrees and thinks it’s not fair to get married first, that we should talk to a priest and make sure we are doing right by God and that why are we doing something everyone disagrees with. That we shouldn’t even have gotten engaged so soon since our LDR was not even real. Any advice on how to proceed in terms of my relationship with her? I never want to disrespect her because after all she is the mother of my future husband, but I myself feel beaten down and blue by the family. I have wrecked my brain trying to understand that they want the best for him and I’m just not it for them- but i sincerely don’t know why.

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hisimpendingbaldness t1_iujx0ms wrote

Get on the same page as fdh, and stop talking to her about it.

She has declared war on you. Best way to fight it is ignore her and just live your best life. Do what you want when you want and don't listen to her.

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ConferenceInitial912 OP t1_iujxhbe wrote

This was the first time she ever touched the subject of the wedding with me (while she is planning and throwing the whole wedding for her other daughter in law whom she approves of). You’re right, if she touches the subject again I will just ignore it and do my best to move on.

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luvduvbunny t1_iujxlvp wrote

You and your fiancé need to focus on yourself

I get that she will be apart of your family, but it doesn’t mean she gets to dictate your relationship.

She declared war on you. It’s best to not cause more drama. Your fiancé needs to side with you and stand up against her.

Him standing up against her doesn’t mean he is declaring war on her. It means that he respects you enough and loves you

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HandGunslinger t1_iuk3qth wrote

Well, whatever you decide, understand that your hubby needs to tell his mom that HE's marrying you, not his mom, and if she continues on the course she's taken, she'll never get to hold the grandchildren that you birth. Now, I understand the importance of family in Latin America, and that what "the family" thinks is to be taken seriously, but you and he have, for over eight years allowed "family thinking" to keep you apart, only to continually bump into each other. Perhaps that fact alone should be an indication to his mom that God has made His desires known. If she is unsure, then SHE should consult a priest, and possibly be told the same thing I mentioned.

However it turns out, I wish you and your fiance' well.

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softshoulder313 t1_iuk8fue wrote

Cross post this on justnomil. They will be very helpful.

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