what do i say?

Submitted by Existing-Side-4977 t3_yiqwim in relationship_advice

Me (21F) and bf (20) have been dating for 1 yr and 5 months, recently went out to eat with his younger sister, bringing along mine. I was looking through his phone out of boredom, in front of him of course, when I read a text that threw me off..."I don't know why but seeing you smile made me so happy😁"...he says she's gay and if it did hurt me that he is deeply sorry. He didn't mean to hurt me. If this is a more personal issue and not appropriate here please let me know where to ask, thank you:)

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PeskyPenguin83 t1_iuk0k0w wrote

So he was happy to see his female gay friend smile, possibly because she has been through something and barely smiles?

Did you ask the relevance behind it? Or just jumped to conclusions?

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Existing-Side-4977 OP t1_iuk0rzm wrote

I just jumped to conclusions, I try to be understanding but don't know why I did jump to one😓

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PeskyPenguin83 t1_iuk17av wrote

Your own insecurities is a you problem, you should work on that, if you can't, don't be with anyone because all you're going to do is hurt 2 people, one being yourself.

However, this is not that major, just say sorry, ask him why her smiling was important, ask if she is ok.. You might find out your boyfriend is just being supportive of a friend.

The only slight downside I guess is, you have been together for over a year, if his friend is going through something, usually your partner would share minor details at some point.

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Kind_Fishing3821 t1_iuk1151 wrote

So honestly, have you had to worry about him doing anything like cheating or lying before? If not then you should trust him, something us guys always struggle with is being called a lier when we haven't done anything. Another thing is have that communication, tell him "next time you message her or anyone else like that and it's harmless, tell me about it immediately. If you're lying about it we will have to talk about eachothers respect and trust." It sucks yes but it's worth the conversation

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Existing-Side-4977 OP t1_iuk17yp wrote

No, I've always trusted him:) Thank you for the advice!

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Kind_Fishing3821 t1_iuk1riv wrote

Of course I'm going through it myself wjere im in your bf shoes. Except I haven't talked to anyone or anything she just thinks I'm lying so been slowly fixing with pretty much what im telling you, just remember don't get angry and talk, if either of you get mad seperate and cool down then finish talking

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Existing-Side-4977 OP t1_iuk1v74 wrote

Seeing it from another POV does help, thank you:)

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Kind_Fishing3821 t1_iuk20gk wrote

No problem happy to help I'm giving the advice my grandfather gave to me before he passed 😊

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