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samzimms t1_iuk1zrv wrote

Comforting your sister is not being too close. There are not enough details here to come to any conclusion.

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earthchildreddit t1_iuk2tgk wrote

Yeah had an ex that said this. Took me a bit to realize what an abusive POS he was (also when I learned about gaslighting!)

Not saying she’s that bc there’s not a lot of info but no, that’s not too close

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ProfessionalNo374 t1_iuk5dih wrote

Your gf is making it weird.

This could also be a red flag from her that she’s isolating you from your family. I would look out for other signs of isolation or control.

At best though, she’s just never seen a familial closeness that you have with your family

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eddiekoski t1_iuk1rx1 wrote

Ask your gf what does being too close to my sister means?

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[deleted] OP t1_iuk26bp wrote

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eddiekoski t1_iuk2e31 wrote

What do you think?

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[deleted] OP t1_iuk2wxx wrote

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eddiekoski t1_iuk3w15 wrote

This can be complicated I think a rule of thumb is

When your sister asks to cuddle do you feel obligated to or do you feel preassured that you are not allowed to say no.

If it is like she is asking and you are endulging her need for a hugs then it is probably fine.

Where the line is for the physical emotional exclusivity that belongs only to your gf and your relationship is something you will have to negotiate.

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[deleted] OP t1_iuk4kae wrote

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eddiekoski t1_iuk7yrb wrote

The problem is not the cuddling it's that you feel like you cannot say no to the cuddling If you wanted to.

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ExpressingThoughts t1_iuk2iw2 wrote

Why the word "cuddle"? What does this cuddling look like?

As for spending time together alone, that's normal for siblings? Do you two do anything weird together?

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[deleted] OP t1_iuk33jj wrote

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ExpressingThoughts t1_iuk7n6j wrote

You're fine.

Is your girlfriend really upset, or just commenting and looking for reassurance nothing weird is going on? I'd just reassure her you are a normal sibling relationship and talk about her experiences with her siblings.

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Historical-Mirror-95 t1_iuk4kgf wrote

I, 24f would cuddle my mom the same way I'd cuddle my female best friend. Platonic affection is not inappropriate or weird. I would never in a million years cuddle with my brother but honestly, I don't talk to him either because we've never had a good relationship. I'd cuddle my step mother but not my father, I think that'd be weird and I have a great relationship my father. I'd cry to my dad, and I'll vent to him and he vents to me, we all watch movies together and spend quality time together but I'd find it weird to cuddle, yaknow? If I were you I'd ask her why she found it weird and where her boundaries with that lie. It's okay to set new boundaries as long as you are also comfortable and okay with the agreed upon boundaries.

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[deleted] OP t1_iuk5jlg wrote

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Historical-Mirror-95 t1_iuk9o1v wrote

I understand what you're saying.

I think cuddling and clingy are interesting terms to use when it comes to family though.

The important question is, what are you comfortable with? If you want to maintain that closeness with your sister, set that boundary with your girlfriend, ask if there's something you can do to help her be more comfortable with how close you are to your sister.

If you'd like to perhaps distance yourself from the cuddly/clinginess of your sister, you need to set that boundary with her and make it about you, not your girlfriend.

If your sister reacts poorly to that, that's her own issue and you would then need to sit down and have discussion with her about her inappropriate behavioural reaction to you trying to set boundaries with her.

Being able to set boundaries with people is important so while its hard it is good experience and a skill to work on no matter who it is you end up setting boundaries with, stick up for yourself and voice your opinions, what you want matters.

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Stunning-Profit8876 t1_iuk1ylb wrote

Partners being jealous of closeness to family members is the BIGGEST RED FLAG of them all.

Run away from this woman. Fast. Very very fast.

She is trying to isolate you from your family. Next comes control. Then abuse.

Leave.

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esmeroseknipe t1_iuk2in0 wrote

I don't think this post has enough context. Redditors love to jump to the "RED FLAG, BREAK UP" conclusion, but in this case I just think we need more info. As a 23 year old woman, I honestly do think it's a bit strange for his sister to be wanting to cuddle with her 18 year old brother over a nightmare. That's a kid thing, but usually something siblings would grow out of.

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