This was the First Serious, Sexual relationship for both of us and it was going fantastic up until Thursday Night, We spent a lot of time at each others places as we are both at University, We went out and did activities, Shopping, Meals, stayed up and talked all night, it was idyllic. The Sex was amazing as we felt true emotion for each other and I was really invested in her, I even went on holiday the other week and brought her back a couple of Sentimental bits and she was really grateful. Everything was fantastic and we had plans moving forward for adventures.

Thursday night rolls around and we are going to a house party hosted by one of her friends, She stressed the point to me a few times that a lot of her friends were male which I said I didn't mind, and so we went along and the night was going smoothly as everyone was socialising and most, if not all of us were pretty drunk. We didn't really stay by each others side much that night and I Noticed her getting pretty close with some other guy, which I kind of shook off that they were friends and they were just dancing at first, however they were getting pretty physical and he was grabbing her hips and twirling her around a few times and grabbing her face (but not kissing), I really wanted to go over and intervene at this point but I was conscious about causing scene, and I assumed that he was just a friend. I go into the bedroom and into the en suite to use the toilet and process what I had seen for a few minutes as I was getting really stressed out about it (I was pretty drunk but still conscious of what was happening)

I come out of the bathroom and in to the kitchen and they are nowhere to be seen so I ask someone where she had gone, they said that she went into a bedroom as she wanted to talk to her 'Friend', my heart then sank and I went and knocked on the bedroom door a couple of times (it was locked) and said her name but there was no answer (could hear talking but couldn't work out what they were saying), I then started to panic and to my shame started banging on the door and shouting her name and then I started swearing out loud in anger and frustration in front of everybody.

Some guy took me outside to chill out and to have some fresh air and I was really upset and on the verge of crying, I assumed they were up to something more than talking, I then came back inside and everyone was angry with me for causing a scene, my ex took me to one side and said that they were just having a private conversation and that just because he's male it doesn't mean they were going to do anything more, she said I shouldn't be so paranoid and we agreed that I should leave so I went home feeling upset, guilty and confused.

The next morning I send the first message to say how sorry I was and that I loved her and that I was just scared because the door was locked and the dancing looked quite intimate, I then offered to apologise to everyone that was there for causing a scene. She then says that she felt scared as I was so angry and that not every male friend she has wants to bone her. The thing was I trusted her more than I trusted this specific male friend

We then agreed to take a break from seeing each other for a few days to process what had happened and that she would see how she felt over the coming days.

This morning she messaged me to say that we should go our separate ways and I agreed, wished her luck for the future and hoped she would find someone who would cherish her and treat her with respect.

I feel so guilty that I made her feel worried as she saw a side of me that even I didn't know I had, and also annoyed that I've thrown the best chance I've ever had of a solid stable relationship away. It's hurting bad

Any feedback or advice would be much appreciated. Thank you

Comments

samzimms t1_iuk3jdm wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:52 PM

You two are young and in university, so both have a lot to learn about relationships. However, you are not all to blame here.

If you are in a committed relationship, you do not go to another room with another guy, lock the door, and not answer it when your bf comes looking for you. This is inappropriate.

Yes, you overreacted by getting angry and banging on the door, etc. But you are not wrong for being upset that she was in the bedroom with him. She should have explained the situation to you first, so you were okay with it. Or agreed to text to him the next day about whatever was so important.

When you are a couple, you should always consider your partner. She did not do that. You overreacted in response.

Livid_Excuse_3501 OP t1_iuk40af wrote on October 31, 2022 at 10:55 PM

It's just the guilt of making her feel uneasy that is weighing me down because I don't want her last impressions of me to be some sort of aggressive thug, and I wouldn't want her to feel unsafe at all, whilst I'm also worried i'll never get this chance of such a great relationship again

samzimms t1_iuk4otj wrote on October 31, 2022 at 11:01 PM

You will definitely have better relationships going forward. If you are upset by your behavior, apologize to her and let her know this situation made you look closely at yourself and recognize you need to change a few things. At the same time, you could also tell her that you didn't like what she did and you want to be in a relationship with someone who respects her partner and doesn't do things that look so questionable.

Livid_Excuse_3501 OP t1_iuk5xyq wrote on October 31, 2022 at 11:11 PM

I apologised to her numerous times, when she said we should go our different ways, I got to say good luck to her and that it was great to spend time with her and almost immediately after before I could say anymore I was removed as a friend from snapchat, its clear that she has made her mind up

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Any_Dress_3811 t1_iuk64iw wrote on October 31, 2022 at 11:12 PM

My dude, she made YOU feel pretty uneasy, too. Was banging and screaming at a locked door peak maturity? No, but neither was not having the basic decency to talk to you for 2 minutes to tell you that her friend needed her advice and she'd be out of pocket for a little while. You don't bring your partner to a party and then pretend they don't exist while you give all of your attention to other people.