Submitted by Bananapower550 t3_yiqoqf in relationship_advice

I (26F) have only dated one guy. Although we broke up 2 years ago, we’re still good friends. The thing is, I’m over the relationship but I’m still not over him.

Since I don’t have any other dating experiences, I’ve always been wondering if I’ll ever get over him or if I’ll just always love him and hope to love someone else even more!

It’s been frustrating me a bit lately and i can’t seem to decide between accepting it and living with it the way it is ‘til I fall in love with someone else or if I should just cut ties with a good friend just because I love him.

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Daniel_BR96 t1_iujzskk wrote

In my experience, I still loving the feeling, the memories, hardly the person. Keeping in touch can make harder to tell the difference between being really good friends or love; But no matter what, you can still love the next person in a better way, not more or less, but it's a different kind of love, usually being more mature it is more soft, peaceful.

We just learn from past mistakes and the next ones are better.

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Badtrainwreck t1_iuk05w8 wrote

OP it’s pretty common to keep loving them especially when you don’t have someone else. It’s very difficult to move on without someone to move on with.

However as time goes on you’ll also realize that the person you loved is who you remember them to be but not who they are anymore, so really it becomes easier because you know they aren’t who you loved but they once were.

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PreferenceIcy3052 t1_iuk04sq wrote

I never even think about the first person I loved.

I really had to think about who that would have even been, so that tells you how attached I am at this point in my life.

Yes, you definitely stop loving your first love.

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WoodsFinder t1_iuk1gc6 wrote

Based on my experience with several exes, I think it's pretty common to still have positive memories of a relationship and ex unless it was an ugly breakup or the other person was badly mistreating you (and sometimes even then you can still remember some good times) and those memories can last a long time. I don't think that's love though, but just positive feelings about the past.

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MorgainofAvalon t1_iuk7tru wrote

I think our first love will always hold a special place in our hearts, but it shouldn't stop us from looking for love from someone else.

You don't mention why you broke up, was it a mutual breakup, or was it one sided? Was the relationship good, or were there a lot of problems? The answers to these questions are very important to understanding your current relationship with him.

If the relationship was good, but you broke up because you wanted different things, staying friends with him is quite normal, and the transition from being in love, to platonic love will naturally happen.

If the relationship wasn't good, or abusive, staying friends with him isn't healthy, and the feeling of being in love is most likely based on what you wished the relationship was, and is unrealistic.

Whichever one it is, if remaining friends with him is getting in the way of you looking for someone new, you would be better off distancing yourself from him.

A new love will be different, and that is a good thing.

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slvstrChung t1_iuk50xz wrote

I've found that it's some of both. Yes, I still love and care about the people I used to date, but not anywhere near as much as I did when I was actually dating them. And, even at the height of our relationships, I never loved them as much as I love my actual wife.

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