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lostgofl OP t1_iujia9d wrote

Reply to comment by murderousbudgie in What do you wish you could tell your younger self before entering an age gap relationship? by lostgofl

There is no cookie cutter shape for these guys. I’ve had a fling with an Ivy League professor, a rendezvous with a businessman that made 7 figures who took me around the world, and several others would had the ability to provide and guide. Needless to say, my parents had no leash on me and my adventures. They were very uninvolved. More than material possessions though, I valued the stability and mentorship my partners had from their life experience.

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murderousbudgie t1_iujj48w wrote

> Needless to say, my parents had no leash on me and my adventures. They were very uninvolved.

Another one for the therapist. People like to pejoratively call girls in your situations out for having "daddy issues" (which is unfair) but at base it sounds like you crave the type of support you didn't get from your parents and sexual relationships with older men was an easy way for you to get it.

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lostgofl OP t1_iujjgqa wrote

I think I’ve always known this, I just needed to hear it from someone else. Thanks. Now I’m an adult and have to pull myself out of bad patterns. It is a difficult responsibility, putting myself back in therapy might be the next step.

It is very sad because it means admitting to myself that my parents failed their task and I suffer the consequences. All of my choices are my own, but how much agency does a young woman really have?

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murderousbudgie t1_iujjrxm wrote

It's a trope for a reason, you're in no way broken in some unique or unfixable way. And you seem incredibly self-aware. Best of luck!

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TuggNiceman t1_iujl2ml wrote

>It is very sad because it means admitting to myself that my parents failed their task and I suffer the consequences.

Join the club. :(

It's not okay, but it's going to be alright.

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childofcraigslist t1_iujooua wrote

> I valued the stability and mentorship my partners had from their life experience.

Not to "therapize," but you're basically trying to recreate the sense of emotional safety you didn't get in your childhood. This isn't at all uncommon for people who grow up with neglectful parents; it creates a void and something has to fill it.

I definitely think therapy is the way to go here. It sounds like these relationships haven't been too damaging so far, but every time you get involved with a much older man you're gambling on him not being the type to take advantage of this craving for stability and guidance to control you.

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