> but I carry myself confidently and I practice self love

But neither of these things actually convinces me you believe you are confident, or that you actually love yourself. It just means you know how to appear or behave as such.

> I wrestle with my feeling that I don’t deserve that type of love, that I’m past it somehow. That I’m already too jaded, bitter, or inferior (compared to other girls) to be fit for it.

And this only further proves it, you've resorted to relationships with older men as you don't have the confidence or self-love to feel that you deserve an unconditional relationship with someone your own age.

It's never too late to change that. People your own age will always be there and some will even be prepared to date you.